Just Say ‘No’

Posted on by sierraschwartz

just_say_no_sticker-p217301451621411733b2o35_4006Does anyone else have an extreme aversion to saying ‘no’?

Some people (ahem me) are natural pleasers.  We want to keep everyone happy and avoid hurting feelings, and will go to unhealthy lengths.

This is something God has been dealing with me on for a long time.  It is a huge problem.

Pleasers tend to bottle up their feelings and avoid confrontation until they reach some breaking point and go totally pyscho.  Ok, slight exaggeration.  But, this unhealthy cycle can be totally avoided if we are honest about our feelings from the ‘get-go’ and calmly handle the confrontations that do arise as they come.

One bind I find myself in again and again is this- a friend or family member wants me to buy into a multi-level marketing company.  This creates in me all sorts of conflicts.  I want to support my friend.  But I also don’t want to buy (what I see) as overpriced products.  Two words- pure torture.  I usually buy something anyways and then feel resentful about allowing myself to get guilt tripped (from my own warped conscience) again and violating my own feelings and natural frugality.

Does anyone else struggle with these mental issues?

I am slooowwwlllyyy learning sometimes it is ok to just say ‘no, thanks’ with a polite smile.  No explanation.  No awkward apologies.

We don’t always have to go along with everything.  We don’t have to buy into everything.  Facing a necessary confrontation won’t make that person instantly hate us (or if they do, they have serious issues!).  Confrontation is a necessary and healthy part of relationships- or life, period.

I think being a Christ follower does confront our selfishness and should push us out of our comfort zone.  We should be kind and helpful.  But in a way that feels authentic and right to us in our spirit.  If we refuse to say no, not only are we not being true to ourselves, but that resentment and frustration will build and it will come out (hello psycho!)….

Has anyone else found a balance in this area?  In having a servant, Spirit-led heart without being a people-pleaser?

6 thoughts on “Just Say ‘No’”

  2. I struggle less with saying no these days. Somewhere along the way I got the revelation that of all the things God has put me in dominion over, of all the things I’m assigned to be the steward of, the top of the list is ME. My time…my energy…my health…my emotional wellbeing…my peace… You know…all the stuff we actually tend to distort and call “selfish” if we diligently guard and protect. For so long I lacked understanding that the top priority of the kingdom is peaceful, dynamic relationship with the living God, who looks after me (and teaches me to look after me) with excellence so that I am equipped and strengthened to do all the cool stuff He has for me to do. But I get it now, or at least I am getting it now. Relationship first, and everything else flows out of that.

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