Some people (ahem me) are natural pleasers. We want to keep everyone happy and avoid hurting feelings, and will go to unhealthy lengths.
This is something God has been dealing with me on for a long time. It is a huge problem.
Pleasers tend to bottle up their feelings and avoid confrontation until they reach some breaking point and go totally pyscho. Ok, slight exaggeration. But, this unhealthy cycle can be totally avoided if we are honest about our feelings from the ‘get-go’ and calmly handle the confrontations that do arise as they come.
One bind I find myself in again and again is this- a friend or family member wants me to buy into a multi-level marketing company. This creates in me all sorts of conflicts. I want to support my friend. But I also don’t want to buy (what I see) as overpriced products. Two words- pure torture. I usually buy something anyways and then feel resentful about allowing myself to get guilt tripped (from my own warped conscience) again and violating my own feelings and natural frugality.
Does anyone else struggle with these mental issues?
I am slooowwwlllyyy learning sometimes it is ok to just say ‘no, thanks’ with a polite smile. No explanation. No awkward apologies.
We don’t always have to go along with everything. We don’t have to buy into everything. Facing a necessary confrontation won’t make that person instantly hate us (or if they do, they have serious issues!). Confrontation is a necessary and healthy part of relationships- or life, period.
I think being a Christ follower does confront our selfishness and should push us out of our comfort zone. We should be kind and helpful. But in a way that feels authentic and right to us in our spirit. If we refuse to say no, not only are we not being true to ourselves, but that resentment and frustration will build and it will come out (hello psycho!)….
Has anyone else found a balance in this area? In having a servant, Spirit-led heart without being a people-pleaser?