Dealing With Holiday Weight Gain

I never know how to open (or close) a blog.  It always feels awkward.

Ok, so here goes- My name is Sierra and I am a recovering anorexic.  Bam.

I’ve been in recovery for a long time.  I’ve had babies.  Weight has been gained.  Weight has been lost.  Stretch marks have happened.  So has a lot of hard work and personal growth.

I was at a sweet spot, weight wise, for me.  Somewhere I can be comfortably, at which my body is happy and the crazy is generally kept at bay.

Well, I’ve been enjoying lots of good food and kicking back breve iced mochas at work and a couple extra pounds have appeared as extra insulation on my tummy and hinny.  I stepped on the scale and faced the music and indeed, it wasn’t bloat or my imagination.  Sadface.

Instead of going into pyscho- anorexic mode and beating myself up I’m handling it much differently.  I stared at my body in the mirror and saw all the things I do like.  I (man this sounds so cheesy, but go there with me) affirmed my body.  I bit bigger than I want to be, but it’s still my body and I love it.

However, I don’t want those couple extra pounds to gain long term squatter status so I do have a loose plan in place.  I’m going to hit my strength training workouts hard.  I’m going to cut back on sugar and empty carbs and focus my diet on high quality protein and fats.

I’m not going berserk or punishing my body.  I’m approaching it from the standpoint of treating my body as a temple to be treated with care and respect.

The scale will go back to normal and I’m not going to stress about it.

For many of us who have struggled with eating disorders- a lot of it stems from having an intense (obsessive) personality with a heavy dose of perfectionism.  I realize now that this can be a good thing.  I am probably always going to be obsessing about something.  I’m probably always going to have some discontent in my life, striving to be better.

The times in my life that I have been the happiest have been the times I’ve focused all that obsessiveness on the only one worthy of all my devotion- Jesus.  So while I strive to do well by my body, my main focus is keeping the focus firmly where it belongs.

 

Faithfulness

There is this middle-aged couple I really like that I talk to at work.  They first visited Caribou and now I see them frequently at Starbucks.  The are so cute together.  He brings her lunch and eats with her on her break.  I saw her leaving (she also works at Target) with a bouquet.  I asked how long they’ve been together (you know, expecting something like ’25 years!’) she said less than two.

That isn’t the first time I’ve asked (yes, I’m nosey, ok?!) a lovey-dovey, middle-aged couple how long they’ve been together, hoping that they are still that in love after decades- and been disappointed.  No, there isn’t anything wrong with a 2nd chance at love.  I’m happy for those couples, I am.  But we all know there is something so special about a couple that has been faithful over the course of decades and is still deeply in love.

I remember praying and seeking a couple years ago and the one word I got from God, over and over again, was just to be faithful.  I wanted a ministry.  I wanted to kick down some demonic doors.  I wanted the miraculous.

God wants all that too.  But do you know what is more important than zeal?  Perseverance.  What is more important that extraordinary miracles?  The every day miracle of being steadfast and faithful- not only to God but to the people he has called us to love.  The hearts that have been entrusted to our care.

I think God cares far more about the way we love the people close to us, than anything big and extravagant we could do for him on the public stage.

In a world where the divorce rate is 40-50%, we are called to be faithful.  When 1/3 of children are being raised by a single mother, God wants us to invest in our families.

God wants us to do big things.  But not to the neglect of the little things.  Our most important ministry is to our own family.

In a world where divorce is almost celebrated and affairs are glorified in secular entertainment- let’s stand out as the exception.  Let’s be steadfastly faithful.

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Answered Prayer

Hi all, I hope you are well.  I haven’t blogged in a while.  Might be a bit rusty but here I am.

I have blogged extensively about my son, Gabriel, and his battle with eczema.  Well, things got really (really!!!) bad over the summer.  So bad I was losing hope.  I got to the point where I couldn’t pray anymore.  I got to the point where I was just surviving.  ‘Backsliding’ would be an understatement.

But we’ve made a couple changes and he is doing amazingly well.  His skin is healing.  It’s nothing short of a miracle.  I just stopped using detergent for his clothes.  I just wash them in a simply soap nut detergent.  That has made a world of difference.

I also contacted a minister I knew from way back, who has a gift for healing- begging him to pray for Gabe.  I think that helped turn the tide, as well.  Some people just have a gift for prayer, you know?

In the midst of all this I started a new job.  I work at a Target Starbucks, near home.  Literally across the street.  I really love it but I was having problems with one co-worker in particular.  We’ll call her ‘Annie’.  She had worked there for over two years and had little patience for mistakes I made as a beginner.  She was rude and nasty towards me to the point that I was starting to hate my job.  I prayed… “God, please help this situation.  I pray that you would remove her from here and give her a humbling experience.”

I found out today that she quit.  She got a new job, so she’ll get to experience the anxiety and difficulty being the new girl.  I have no ill-will towards her at all, but was floored that God answered my prayer like that.

I don’t know about you, but when I feel like I’m not as close to God as I should be I just don’t really expect him to answer my prayers.  I am always surprised when he is faithful, even when I am anything but.

I have been getting back into prayer and reading my Bible again.  It is wonderful. Nothing compares to His presence, His peace.

We all go through trials and but up against our own weakness and fallen humanity.  I encourage you to not give up.  God is good.  He does love you.  He cares about all the details of your life.  If you’re going through a hard time, don’t run from him.  Run to him.

 

My Power Source

I haven’t written in a while.  Summer is always a busy and chaotic around here!

I also switched jobs.  Now I work part time as a barista at a Target Starbucks.  Honestly, the job I’ve wanted for a long time.  I love Target and I love Starbucks!  I also love getting a discount, yay!  13626415_10154249884502429_8547029261097152568_nMy friend snapped this on my first day.

My husband’s brother and his family visited for the first time from Virginia a little over a week ago.  It was incredibly special.  We had a blast, hanging out and doing tourist-ey things with them.

Tomorrow is a big milestone for me.  I’ll be turning 30.  I’m kind of sad to leave my 20’s behind, but older = wiser, right?

I watched the movie ‘Miracles from Heaven’ a few nights ago.  At about 20 minutes in I started crying and couldn’t stop.  It just touched so many nerves for me.  The child in pain, the mom losing hope- it’s definitely been where I’ve been at for a long time.

My 7 year old son, Gabriel, has had severe eczema for years now.  It has been so tough for him.  Lately we haven’t been letting him play outside because he reacts so strongly to the allergens.  His eyes are always bright red lately.  There’s times where he can’t sleep because the itching or pain is so intense.  And all of this with daily anti-histamines and steroids and expensive lotions.  It feels like a never ending nightmare.

Watching him suffer, day after day, had really hardened my heart towards God.  Gabe had asked me, “why did God let me get eczema?” and I’m at a loss for words.

No, it isn’t as serious as what the Mother was facing in the Miracles movie.  But his condition has been devastating for him.  To the point that when we went to meet his cousins (in 90 degree heat) he cried because he wanted to wear a sweatshirt to cover up all the redness, bumps, and open sores.  He is also limited in his daily ability to just be a kid because the itching and allergies make him so miserable.

We’re still going through it.  There’s no end in site.

I think most (if not all) Christians face a make or break trial.  Something devastatingly hard, something that never seems to end, something that hits home.  Those times test what we know to be true.

God was speaking to me through that movie.  I realized I’ve been ‘under’ the trial and the devil was running roughshod through my life.  In my pain and sadness I was distancing myself from God, my power source, and leaving myself very weak and vulnerable to attacks from the enemy.

“Now if we are children, we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” Romans 8:17

I have resolved to hold tighter onto Christ through this.  I believe in miracles.  Especially the quiet ones, where God uses tough circumstances to do an incredible work in us.

My sweet boy, with his Daddy….

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The Struggle

I went to church on Sunday for the first time in forever (I’ve been working on weekends, don’t judge!) and it was so nice.

Honestly, I have not been doing great spiritually.  It’s been a culmination of things in my life.  Massive disappointment at not seeing my baby boy healed of the eczema that plagues him daily.  My seeming inability to be a ‘good’ Christian.  Feeling like my prayers hit the ceiling and go no further.

I’ve really just been in spiritual limbo.

But on Sunday, sitting in church, God started to stir things in my heart again.  He was calling me back to the struggle.  Jacob_wrestling_new

There are certain aspects of our character or sin nature that die hard.  Things that can be  accomplished only through an intense struggle.

This has been a common theme on my blog because this is where God has me.

There is no way around, no shortcuts.

Matthew 11:12 loosely says, “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of the heavens is taken by violence, and the violent seize it.”

This means to me, a tenaciousness in our faith that sees us through our doubts, disappointments, and failings.

It’s struggling things out when it would be far easier to give up on dreams.  The struggle is real and never more so than in the fight to become all God made us to be and accomplish what he has for us.  The struggle is most intense when we cling to God even when we aren’t seeing answers to prayers or we feel forgotten.

My charge to you (and me) today is to chose to believe that you do have a destiny.  That the intense struggle is preparing you for greater things.  The fight is refining you of those things in your life that you know need to go.  Don’t give up, press in.

 

Winter is Over!

SpringSorry that I haven’t blogged in like forever.  I have been super busy.  I got a part time job at a local coffee shop.  Just to heap more craziness into my crazy life.  Cause that’s how I roll. ;)  I really love it though.  I get to smell coffee all day, drink free coffee, and get out of the house.  Win!  I also work with mostly teenagers, whom I get along with embarrassingly well.  I don’t know what that says about my maturity level, and I don’t really care.

We finally got our first really warm and beautiful day yesterday.  I was getting my daughter out of the van and was overcome with the warm sunshine on my skin (haven’t felt that in months!) and the birds chirping and I started to tear up at how wonderful it was.

Winter is SO long here. (I’m a Minnesotan) So when spring arrives it is glorious and wonderful.  I love Spring so much.  I love the renewal of it all.  It also makes me think of the cross and the resurrection.  The beauty and life that came out of the harsh winter that was the cross.

Winter passes and spring comes.  The ground thaws and flowers bloom.  The old makes way for the new.  Life goes on.

My hope and prayer is that we all find beauty and renewal in our lives as we experience spring and Easter time, that we would take time to marvel and get alone with our Savior.

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Puppy Love

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I haven’t blogged in a bit because I have been busy with our new puppy, Copper.  Our kids have been begging for a dog for years.  Last year we went the chintzy route and got a couple pet rats.  About the fourth time they bit one of the kids they went back to the store!  SO I finally twisted my husbands arm- er, talked him into- a real live puppy.  Not just any puppy.  A golden retriever.  Like and 90’s kid I grew up watching movies that featured talking golden retrievers and have always wanted one.

Right now he is super cute and super annoying!  He is really mouthy, which I guess is common for a hunting breed.  He is also sweet and follows me around the house.  He’s only had a few accidents and seems to be doing well so far with the training.  I can’t wait till he is grown and calm and the famously easy going, happy family dog.

So here are some purely gratuitously cute pics for your enjoyment…🙂

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