The Saga Continues

So I watched er…listened to this video over the past couple days.  https://www.facebook.com/areyoucrooked/videos/2018168381763526/

The video is over two hours long so it took awhile to get through it.  Half of it was listening to it via Bluetooth while driving across the twin cities.  I didn’t see all the graphs and pictures but I definitely got the jist of it.

The video is made by Forrest Maready and he’s just a regular guy doing some pretty extraordinary things.  He is the dad of a child with autism and his wife has suffered with auto-immune disorders.  He’s been on a two year quest to uncover answers and this video (and a book coming out soon) is really the culmination of that.  He is very quick to point out that these are theories. 

For me it was really illuminating.  I, like many, have also suffered with auto-immune issues.  Which, I can trace back to the summer that I was 12.

Journey back in time with me to a wonderful era when the Spice Girls were huge.  The internet was confined to your clunky, slow home desktop computer.  Helicopter parenting was not yet invented.  I was a “free-range” kid before that was a thing.  We lived outside a small town in southern Minnesota and it was wonderful.  In the summer we disappeared into the woods behind our house for hours at a time.  We stayed out late catching fireflies.  We swam in a (gross) Lake Mazaska nearby.  In the winter we dug snow forts, sledded, went ice skating, all of that.  My mom always had me in sports.  I was a very athletic kid and would go to some sort of sport practice nearly every day. 527499_10152250637685074_1854436615_n

One of my favorite things to do was to explore abandoned structures with my friends.  Of course my parents didn’t know, but remember this was the 90’s and I was a free-range chicken, er….kid.  We liked to pretend an old one room school house was haunted and we’d spook ourselves silly and dare each other to go in alone.  It was great except for the time that I ended up stepping on an old nail.  It went through the sole of my shoe and pierced into the bottom of my foot.

I reluctantly told my mom who dutifully brought me in for a tetanus shot.

Now all of this was 20 years ago so this is a leap of connected memories and speculation but around that time I also developed debilitating asthma.

I had been an athlete and completely healthy.  But one night my mom said she found me in the hallway in the middle of the night wheezing for air.  I did tests which showed my lungs for very weak (all of a sudden…?) and got an inhaler and that was that.

But what if that wasn’t that?  What if that tetanus shot had just started a cascade that would continue to be unleashed?

I can also look back and see that something changed within me as well.  I had been a really happy kid.  I had a lot of friends.  But I would soon be plunged deep into depression and an eating disorder.  It was so bad that I attempted suicide multiple times as a young teen.

Now this is all speculation, of course.  But I did manage to dig up this study linking a two fold increase in asthma following tetanus vaccination https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10714532?dopt=Abstract

And this article explaining how the metals in vaccines can severely damage mental health http://whale.to/b/blaylock.html

As a young adult I mostly overcame these issues.  I forced my lungs to get stronger through progressively harder workouts.  I found faith and that helped with the mental health a lot.  I was really happy.

Then I got my pregnant with my second child and all hell broke loose.  My digestive system stopped working.  My thyroid went berserk.  I developed symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome.  I saw many doctors but really had to do a ton of research myself into figuring out that I had celiac’s disease and some other food sensitivities.

The weird thing is, I grew up eating wheat and it was fine.  I probably had three-four servings a day!  But now eating it would make me curl up in a ball from the stomach pain, it would shut down my digestion, I would be too exhausted to complete basic tasks.

I remember my husband being puzzled, like, why are you so sick?  You eat healthy and take such good care of yourself.

The interesting thing I learned in the video mentioned earlier is that when aluminum (back to that again!) is injected it gets gobbled up by white bloods cells, or macrophages, if we’re being technical.  These white blood cells can lay dormant in your muscle tissue until some event triggers them to act.  An event like *ahem* pregnancy or illness, stress, surgery, etc.

That’s why so many women develop auto-immune disorders after a pregnancy.

Again these are all theories hobbled together from real research.

But if you, like me, have auto-immune issues or autism or perhaps other issues you could trace back to a vaccine- there is hope.  You can reclaim your health.  Give the video a watch.  He spend the first part talking about the bizarre phenomenon of the rise of the lopsided smile.  It sounds weird but hear him out.  He gets around to auto-immune disorders and aluminum later in the video.

It starts with doing a heavy metal detox.  You can even get testing done to check your levels if you’re not sure.

It may be as easy as drinking a silica-rich water like Fiji.  The silica water is able to safely bind to aluminum and carry it out of the body. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2216608/Drinking-litre-day-mineral-water-prevent-onset-Alzheimers-flushing-aluminium.html

Other methods include detoxing through sweating, detox baths, taking vitamin c, and supplementing glutathione.

It could be coincidence that I went from a healthy, happy kid to a suicidal, asthmatic mess within two years time of getting a tetanus shot.  IDK maybe I’m completely wrong.  If I find compelling evidence I will reverse my position and blog about that too.

In the mean time we need to really, really examine this.  Not just for the sake of our own health but the generations coming after us.  Because this is only going to continue to get worse if we don’t do something.

 

 

 

 

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Our Vaccine Story

If there’s a grassroots movement any more controversial than refusing vaccines I certainly don’t know of it.  I really debated whether or not on whether to post our story because of the issue of the controversy associated with it.  The topic is incredibly polarizing and this is primarily a blog on living life as a Christ follower….but this is also something I feel incredibly passionate about.  If you don’t agree, that’s ok.  This is my story.

I had my first child, Michael, at the age of 18.  I was very young but I took the responsibility of growing a baby very seriously.  I went from a diet coke and skittles diet to eating balanced meals and lots of veggies. I took fish oil and gagged down pre-natal vitamins inspite of morning sickness.

Michael was perfect.  He was beautiful.  People would stop me on the street to comment on what a beautiful and happy baby he was.

He hit all his milestones early.  He was walking at 10 months.  He talked, he sang, he was a very happy and easy going baby.

But around the 18 month mark he underwent some extreme personality changes.  At the time I chalked it up to the fact that I had met, married and moved in with my husband very quickly and it was a LOT of change for a little kid to go through very quickly.

Michael would have uncontrollable tantrums.  Michael would bang his head violently in his crib at night.  It became difficult to bring Michael to public places because he would get completely out of control (sensory overload).  We also noticed that Michael had extreme reactions to loud noises.

At the time I was so young and knew almost nothing about autism.  This was almost 11 years ago and autism wasn’t as prevalent as it is now.

We began to realize that there was something wrong but we had no idea what.  We brought Michael out to parks frequently and there was a stark difference between him and the other kids his age.

The first time the “autism” word was introduced was when his great aunt commented that Michael acted in a similar manner as a man she worked with, and that man had autism.

As he got older he developed facial ticks.  He also developed a complete obsession with anything with a screen, especially video games.  Once we found him playing his Nintendo D.S. at five in the morning with a hollow look in his eyes.

He would say inappropriate things and seemingly overreact to the slightest touch or provocation.

I guess I always imagined that other people had special needs kids.  People that were smart and capable.  I was young and dumb.  If you can imagine a very young mom dealing with an autistic child when she knew basically nothing about the disorder- tough was an understatement.  I shudder thinking about the many times we “lost” it on Michael when we were presented with what we thought was extreme defiance and in reality Michael was coping with a traumatic brain injury.

I now believe that Michael was born healthy and so called “neuro-typical”.  I always had a strong feeling, call it mothers intuition, that that shots caused his condition.  As he grew and I realized the magnitude of his condition I turned to the modern marvel that is google.

I stayed up late reading story after story of parents claiming that their children were injured by vaccines.  Not just autism, but also SIDS and a wide variety of other issues.  Michael underwent a change that would have coincided with his 18 month check up and shots.  Unfortunately, I didn’t make the connection till years later.

They say, “safe and effective” and “reactions are 1 in a million”.  It isn’t true.  Most reactions go unreported because parents are uninformed.  They don’t know what to look for.  When the baby has a seizure a week after vaccines they don’t automatically connect the dots.  Or when somethings happens and they do confront the doctor, they are almost always brushed off and left to sort through the fallout themselves.  When a baby dies in his sleep following a well-baby check at 2 or 4 months it is ruled as SIDS and swept under the rug.

I didn’t learn till years later but pediatricians get bonuses (very large ones) from insurance companies when a certain percentage of their patients are fully vaccinated.  I was hesitant to vaccinate (I just had a bad feeling about it) but the Doctor was incredibly pushy and made it sound like my son would drop dead from an infectious disease if I didn’t get every shot, on time, plus countless boosters.  I ignored my feelings and went ahead because who was I to question established medicine?

Now I understand that Doctors are part of a very lucrative business.  The business of vaccines.  In 1989 vaccine developers were given complete immunity.  Us little people were no longer able to sue if our kid was severely injured.  Vaccines became a cash cow after that and a bunch of new ones were introduced to the schedule as quickly as possible.  It was a gold rush.  Testing was pretty minimal because vaccines are assumed to be safe and there is a strong financial incentive to assume that.  At around that time the first rumblings of autism were being heard. 1UKvV60fOjh6NLjHooUEqeA

I was born in 1986.  When I was in school we never heard of autism.  Or life-threatening peanut allergies.  Most kids were basically healthy and slim.  Health problems were very rare.

Is it a coincidence that the autism rate went from 1 in 10,000 in the 1980’s to now (some estimates put it as high as) 1 in 36?

The landscape of our schools has changed dramatically.  I know because I volunteer at my kids elementary school and you see it constantly.  Kids rock back in forth in their chairs.  Kids wear noise blocking headphones.  Kids need access to epi-pens at all times.  Teachers are stressed out trying to teach the kids while managing all the cornucopia of special needs represented in any given classroom.

It is tragically ironic that we inject our kids with so many vaccines trying to keep them healthy but they are incredibly sick, sicker than ever.

What I didn’t know back when my son was vaccinated is that these shots use aluminum in nano-particle form as an adjuvant-a substance that enhances the body’s immune response to an antigen.  They just assumed (based on ORALLY ingested) tests that the body could safely cope with and remove the toxic burden.  But ingesting and injecting are completely different ball games.  When we ingest aluminum we are able to clear it out of our systems almost completely through the natural digestive process.  But when we inject nano-particle aluminum our bodies send in white blood cells in response, which in turn surround (encapsulate) the aluminum, and then…it can travel throughout the body through our blood stream and lymphatic system.  It can and does get deposited in the brain.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5133049/Aluminium-vaccines-cause-autism.html  Aluminum is extremely neuro-toxic and no more so than when it invades the brain of a formerly healthy infant.  Or it can get lodged into muscle tissue until a traumatic injury or sickness signals the white blood cells to come.  The blood cells come and bring in a toxic cargo along with them.  That’s why not all vaccine injuries are seen immediately.  The aluminum can hang around in the body for an indeterminate period of time before causing all kinds of damage even years later.

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I find that it’s common that most parents will scour nutrition labels and be careful about what they feed their children (which is good) but have no idea what is actually being injected into their children.

Most people don’t know that there is peanut proteins (hello deadly food allergy!), tissue from aborted babies, and the same toxic carcinogenic junk they use to embalm dead bodies.  If you think I am making this stuff up you can visit the CDCs website and check out the ingredients for yourself. https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/additives.htm

Autism is a blanket term for “neurological damage caused by vaccines”.  We are being lied to.  if you don’t believe check this out-

https://www.naturalnews.com/046630_CDC_whistleblower_public_confession_Dr_William_Thompson.html

A top CDC scientist came out and admitted that they had lied about the correlation they had found between the MMR shot and autism.  They purposefully fudged the data the hide the link.  Because admitting that they caused nothing less than a modern day holocaust on our babies is not something that they are going to do.

That explosive news never made it to main stream media.  Why?  Have you ever watched CNN or Foxnews?  It’s constant drug advertisements.  The pharmaceutical companies hold major sway in what stories see the light of day.

Are we all going to die if we don’t vaccinate? 22046511_10159471036940074_8637741367936285939_n I didn’t vaccinate my youngest and so far she hasn’t started any epidemics.  In fact she has no allergies, eczema, has never had an ear infection, and on and on.

Depending on where you live the only real threat is in getting measles.  Which contrary to popular, media-hyped, belief- is easily treated with mega doses of vitamin A.

Now research is showing that vaccines aren’t as effective as originally thought.  That measles outbreak at Disneyland?  Half of them were fully vaccinated.  Mumps outbreak amongst Norwegian college kids?  All fully vaccinated. http://sciencenordic.com/mumps-outbreak-hits-students-several-norwegian-cities

flu shotSo why risk injecting these toxic cocktails when there is no guarantee for real immunity?

Does the system really care about you or your health?  Or are you and your children being used for profit?  Globally, vaccines are expected to bring in 49 billion dollars next year in revenue.  https://www.statista.com/statistics/265102/revenues-in-the-global-vaccine-market/

It’s really up to you and it should be.

How is Michael today?  He’s doing pretty good.  He’s extremely lucky.  The real test is will he be able to function as an adult in society and I think that he will be.

That is not to say that is hasn’t been incredibly difficult getting to this point, that Michael hasn’t had to go through much pain, struggle and heartache for a choice he didn’t make.  I can’t articulate how hard it has been for all of us.

One conversation I will never forget is one I had with someone who was very pro-vax on the internet (cause those always go so well…) in which he accused me of looking for somewhere to lay the blame so I wouldn’t have to accept responsibility myself- for being a crappy parent and causing the autism somehow, I suppose.  Other than being completely insensitive and really horrific to say to a mother of a special needs child, it was so completely untrue that it literally could not have been more wrong.

The guilt is horrible.  I feel wracked with it at night when I let my mind wander and consider what could have been.  If I’d followed my gut and not had him vaccinated.  If Michael had been allowed to develop normally.

That’s why I’m writing this blog.  Because this is my story, Michael’s story. mmmm I’m not looking to absolve myself of responsibility.  The sad truth is that my story is not unique and it’s becoming increasingly common.  I’m trying to share our story in order to warn others.  I’m telling the truth and there is power in that.  Even if only one person has read to this point and it influences further decisions they make.

“The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

 

Marital Madness

By all accounts we shouldn’t have made it.

He was divorced.  I was 20, freaking 20.  I had baggage and a toddler.  He was a Virginian (no, not virgin, lol) who didn’t know the correct term for a sweet carbonated beverage.  It’s POP, people.  We got married in a little court house ceremony in just under two months of meeting.

Yeah, it’s kind of nuts.

But ten and a half years later we are still here. 22780297_10159486090470427_6193062110503901663_n

This morning as I was drinking my motor oil-esque coffee I read a slide show about celebs speaking out about divorce.  Aside from the glitz, money and fame they are people too.  Common themes emerged- comparing divorce to a death and also this sense that they found marriage didn’t meet their needs like they had anticipated.

I’m not trying to be callous here.  Of course we all get married with the hope of getting some very real needs met.  But along the way the trials of life will bring out the best and (more likely) the worst in people.  Being inherently selfish creatures, when we get hurt we tend to go into self-protection mode. kategorisiz3-1 Over time, if forgiveness isn’t happening, we harden our hearts and start to see our s.o. as the source of the problems in our life.  At a certain point we think it’d be best to cut our losses and move on and be happier.

But still, divorce is like a death.

Why?

I believe it all goes back to the fact that we are created in the image of God.  God is a covenant-making God.  He is a covenant-keeping God.  He designed marriage (yes, it was HIS idea) to be a reflection of this covenant he made to his people.

He could have washed us all away in the flood and scrapped the whole mess.

He could have viewed Adam and Eve as failed prototypes and scrapped the “human experiment”.

He could have looked away and left us to fend for ourselves as we thumbed our collective noses at him.

But he didn’t.

See, a covenant is more than a contract.  It’s a promise.

“If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.”

2 Timothy 2:13

Since we are created by a God and for a God that completely embodies true love we yearn for this love all our lives.  We yearn for a covenant keeping love that will never abandon us, even when we are less than lovable.

No human being could possibly meet or fulfill that deep soul need for that kind of love at the level that we need.

So many expectations are dashed, many marriages end… as we are all on this quest, whether we realize it or not.

The 5th Chapter in Ephesians addresses how spouses are supposed to love and serve one another because marriage is really an illustration (or is supposed to be!) of the covenant between Christ and his Church.  That’s why marriage is so very important.  A marriage is more then a contract, it’s a covenant.

I know my husband’s weaknesses and frailties and shortcomings.  But you’ll never hear me badmouthing him when my girlfriends start in on their husbands.  I feel pretty confident in saying we will never get divorced.  If things happen, we’ll work through it.  Just like we always have.  Divorce is not an option.

Because while of course marriage is for companionship, laughter, joy, intimacy and baby-making, memories…all wonderful things, but it is also for representing a working model of grace and forgiveness.  Your spouse is, in essence, a fellow fallen human being that needs a savior just as much as you do.  They aren’t always going to meet your needs.  Sometimes you’re going to get irritated and have to grit your teeth to keep from saying mean things.  Sometimes you’ll roll your eyes.  Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re giving more than getting.  Sometimes you may not talk for two days.

There are no magic formulas or guarantees but I’ve found that seeking Christ together has led to a strong and healthy marriage.  It’s enabled both of us to extend grace and forgiveness as needed.  Very practically, it’s been a source of joy and strength.

Every night, he reaches his hand for mine under the covers.  We pray together.  We are two humans that are far from perfect (certainly, no glitz or glam here, people) but we are on this journey together.  Having been joined together in a beautiful model of the eternal covenant God made to us.  That supercedes whatever might come against us.

Marriages aren’t supposed to end.  Love is supposed to endure.  And that is why divorce is always a sad thing and likened to a death…even if it’s dressed up in fondant and a trip to Vegas.

Regardless of your marital status you can have this great love that your heart longs for.  If you are single, you can prepare yourself to be a better future spouse.  If your marriage is struggling, it can get better as you consistently get your needs met, your “bucket” filled, and are able to love your spouse supernaturally.

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”  Song of Solomon 8:6

That love is only found in the covenant making God and his son, Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

Anorexia in 20/20

I couldn’t sleep tonight, just having the urge to write about my recovery process from anorexia.  I am very inspired by the openness and healing testimony shared by Caralyn on https://beautybeyondbones.com/

How did it start?  Well I share traits that seem to be very common in E.D. (eating disorders) in that I was (am) very sensitive and perfectionistic.

I had a pretty rocky home life and experienced childhood sexual abuse.

At 12 we left my home town where I had grown up and I struggled to adapt.  At that same time my family life became increasingly unstable and unhealthy.

I had an alcoholic parent and acquired all the baggage that came with that.

I had a class in middle school FACS (basically home economics) and we learned about nutrition- reading labels and things like that.  I really latched onto that and began reading labels and worrying about calories and fat grams.

So “calorie-conscious” eating became more and more of an obsession until it turned into a full-fledged eating disorder.  I was very secretive about it and never received any professional help for it.

Even in my years sorting through recovery I have never sought out professional help.  I just realized tonight, tossing and turning, that I instinctively cringe at the thought of therapy because growing up we went to family therapy and it was not a positive experience at all for me.  I felt very much like I didn’t have a voice and I was there to see what was wrong with me, what I needed to change.

It’s probably taken me a lot longer than others to work through some of the lingering issues but there’s very valid trust issues with therapy for me.  I’m sure there are wonderful therapists out there but I haven’t been willing to take the chance in finding one.

Even writing this blog is conflicting for me.  I never got a diagnosis or much professional help.  I did, however, really struggle.  I lost my period for a couple years and stunted my growth during a pivotal time in development.

In my early twenties I was “recovered” but still underweight.  The battle in my mind was huge.  I’m guessing everyone who struggles with an eating disorder or body image issue knows that you can be very thin and just not be able to see it.  One meal can make you feel fat and set you awash in shame and self-loathing until you make it right again- through some unhealthy over-exercising or restrictive behavior.

Obviously the issue at hand isn’t really the number on the scale or even the food intake.  The real issue is dealing with the shame that propelled you into an eating disorder in the first place.

For me it has been a very gradual process.  Years of Bible study and seeking God- my healer.  I knew very instinctively that my wounds cut to my soul and only God could truly heal me.

I had mixed results reaching out to friends and family members.  People don’t often react kindly to the thin girl talking about her (really incredibly painful and crippling) body image issues.

It’s hard to explain but I feel like even within this last year God has been lifting to scales off my eyes (of body dysmorphia) to see the beauty he deposited in me.  I look at my body with new eyes.

I’m heavier than I’ve ever been but really truly happier in my own skin that I’ve ever been.

I’ve gotten really into weight training.  When I first started working out years ago I only lifted like 5 pound dumbells, max.  I was so scared of “bulking up”.  Now I do workouts with Cathe Friedrich (she rocks, check her out) where I push my body to the very limit of it’s strength.  It’s incredibly empowering.  I don’t work out to burn calories.  I don’t work out to lose weight.  I work out because I love it.  I work out because I love getting stronger.

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I’ve managed to find a lot of healthy balance in my food too.  I eat very intuitively.  Some nights I’ll have a big plate of steamed veggies for dinner with butter and I’ll really enjoy it.  Other times it’s a chipotle burrito bowl with extra cheese!  I eat pretty healthy but I always have a stash or snickers or reeses and I enjoy chocolate every day without feeling guilty.

There’s still moments and days where I lose sight of the truth.  But I’m gaining more and more ground and this blog is in celebration to that.

I think, as women, it’s so easy for us to see the beauty and worth in others but so hard to see it in ourselves.

Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
    Forget your people and your father’s house.
 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
    honor him, for he is your lord. Psalm 45:10-11

“Dear heavenly Father, you know our hurts and our wounds.  Even if we can’t trust others with out pain we know that we can always trust you.  I pray for your gentle healing presence to touch all who happen upon this blog.  I pray that you would truly open their eyes to see the miracle of creation that is their individual life and the beauty that you see.”  

Healing is a process and it takes time and work, however you go about it.  It’s hard but it is possible.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners… to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:3

 

 

Prayers and Doo-Hickeys

I feel like God often speaks to me in themes and the theme of the month has been on prayer.

It really started Thanksgiving went I went to visit my Grandma Judy for Thanksgiving.  My grandma is basically a saint in my eyes.  When I was a young teen mom she came to my rescue and worked her grandma magic many times at the drop of a hat.  I don’t get to see her enough because she lives a couple hours away.

So when she invited us for Thanksgiving of course I said YES (she is also an incredible cook….) but when the day rolled around my daughter, Shiloh, was on the tail end of a cough.  Which gave me pause because my Grandma and Grandpa are both on oxygen for their emphysema.  They also care for my Great Grandma who is 91.

I texted my grandma whether or not I should still come with a sickish kid and she said yes.  So we went and had a great time….. until that night when we got home and realized Shiloh had a fever and was getting sick with something else.

The next day I started coming down with the flu.  I felt absolutely terrible with worry that I am may have exposed my grandparents to a sickness that would be far more devastating for them than for us.

I really entered some fervent prayer.

In my praying I felt very undeserving.  I hadn’t been seeking God like I should…I felt like that kid that makes that collect call home on Father’s Day.

I said, “Lord, I don’t deserve this answer to prayer but please….do it on account of everything Jesus did for us on the cross.”  At that moment it dawned on me why we finish every prayer with “In Jesus name”.

See, we always enter prayer undeserving.  Whether we feel it or not.  It’s best to just get that out there.  We can’t possibly earn the right to “deserve” anything from God.  It’s just all based on his grace and goodness towards us.

“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

I had to bust out the Old King James for that one.  Our prayers are so powerful.  Especially when we double down with fervency.  “But I don’t feel very righteous.”  Yeah, I don’t always float around on a cloud of happy, holy emotions either…but-

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Cor. 5:21

In Him we have access to the righteousness of God.  That’s why we ask that He answer our prayers in the name of Jesus- the name above every other name.  So when Satan tries to discourage us from praying we can tell him where to go because through Him we have access to the throne room.

My grandparents didn’t get sick.

Also, my oldest son has been doing really well.  I’ve been getting glowing emails from school.

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We called it his “doo-hickey”

And we witnessed nothing short of a miracle this morning…. my son Gabe has had a very troublesome blood vessel protruding from his cheek for months.  Almost daily he would accidentally scratch it and it would bleed like crazy.  It had grown and grown so I made an appointment to have it lasered off.

That appointment was supposed to be today.  I say supposed to because I cancelled it.  A giant scab came off his cheek and revealed that the vessel (which had been protruding quite a bit) had gone back under the skin and was healing over.

I had been praying that God would heal it so that we could avoid another traumatic visit to the doctor, and He did!

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Doo-hickey no more!

 

 

 

The Sunrise

My son, Gabe won student of the month at his school.  The theme was “courage”, which I thought was extremely fitting!

His school had an awards ceremony this morning at 8 am so we had to wake Gabe up way earlier than usual to get him there.  We couldn’t tell him why, since it was supposed to be a surprise.  We usually let him sleep until 9 and get him to school around 10:15 after a bath and various treatments…se we all had to get up pretty early to get him there on time.

As we were about to head out the door we saw the most beautiful sunrise.  Because of his sleep issues, Gabe hasn’t seen a sunrise in a long time.  He stood at the window and marveled for a good ten minutes. 20171201_071752Something about the sunrise inspires praise.  It’s a little bit of glory breaking through the bleakness.  It’s the light cutting through the darkness.

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The ceremony was pretty brief and there were a lot of proud parents there but I’d doubt that there were any more proud than we were.20171201_115819  For me, this moment represents so much.  At one point I told Gabe that he was so brave.  He said, “but Mom, I’m scared a lot.”  I said facing hard things and not quitting makes you brave.  If we never felt afraid we wouldn’t need courage.

God is faithful.  He promised to never leave or abandon us.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

Parenting Real Talk

One parenting thing I’ve never really gotten is that we’re only allowed to say positive things about our kids.  Look, I’m not a parenting Grinch but I just find it really irritating how we have to pretend everything is wonderful all the time and our kids are the actual spawn of angels.

I seriously want to update my Facebook status with, “My sweet little Michael managed to get suspended again!  We think he’ll grow up to use his giant brain well in the fast food industry!”

Seriously though, I don’t post often about it but we’ve faced many challenges as parents of our oldest child, Michael.  Michael is gifted with very high intelligence and he’s a tall, good looking kid (of course, I am his mother so….) but man oh man it’s not been easy.  Michael has Aspergers.  Michael is extremely stubborn.  Michael is very smart but thinks he is smarter than everyone else, including his school principal and every other adult he encounters.

Many, many nights my husband and I have stayed up late just talking like- we don’t know what to do with this kid.  We’re doing our best but it isn’t good enough.  A lot of hand wringing and calls from the principal and I’ve decided that Jesus is basically the only hope here. 19055433_10158911764265074_4485162110289028260_o

I often pray, “Lord, I need you to get through to him.  I need you to touch his heart.  We can discipline and talk til we are blue in the face but only you can change his heart.”

I got up early a couple mornings ago, with a sore throat.  It as 5:30 so I had plenty of time to pray and I did.  I prayed for Michael.  That day ended up being a really great one for him.  His special ed. teacher actually emailed me with all caps and plenty of exclamation points on what a great day he’d had.

Prayer works.

No, it’s not always that startling effective.  I’ve been praying for Michael for years and we are still dependent on God daily.  Which, of course, isn’t a bad thing.

It’s also a huge relief for me.  As parents, we tend to feel this enormous responsibility for how our kids turn out.  Which we should, in a way.  But there’s only so much we can do.  We do our best but there are always so many other factors at play (like, hello- the child’s free will!).  Our kids need Jesus.  They need us praying for them everyday.  They need to know the Word.

Ultimately we are entrusted with these precious gifts but they belong to God.

I thank God that though Michael struggles, I know God is in control.  I know God loves him.  I know so much more rests in God’s hand than on my shoulders.