Change

If you’ve read my blog over this past year you’ll know my son, Gabriel, went through a really awful withdrawal from topical steroids.  It was so bed he was basically on bedrest for months.  Basically he had gotten addicted to very strong steroids and it made “eczema” spread all over his body and affected his entire system.  I really don’t want to post pictures but google “topical steroid withdrawal” and you’ll get this gist of how horrific and debilitating this condition is.

But now 11 months in and he is so much better.  

gabebabe
My Little Goof

He’s not 100% yet but he’s come leaps and bounds from where he was.  So much so that we got a call from his school principal saying “Gabe’s looking great!  So… we really want him back in full school days.”  I told her it’d be a rough adjustment but we’d try.

Yesterday morning when I woke him up early it was so tough.  Because his adrenal glands were so messed up from the steroid usage, he has struggled horribly with insomnia.  We’ve (up till now) let him sleep in because he sleeps so poorly at night and for whatever reason slept better during morning hours.

But he has been making major strides so my husband and I agreed it might actually be helpful to try to force his body back into a more regular sleep schedule.  The first morning was rough but he actually did sleep a lot better last night and woke up much easier this morning.

It’s a huge step for him and milestone.  He still has a ways to go before he is 100% healed but we are so thankful for the progress he has made. 11825

A lot of times in life the path to healing is bumpy and hard.  There are times we need to push out of our comfort zones to reach the next level.  Change is hard but often necessary.

As Gabe’s loving parents there have been times where we comforted him and carried him (ha literally) but on this journey we’ve increasingly pushed him out of his comfort zone.  As he’s gotten better we’ve adjusted his treatment accordingly.  As he grew wings we’ve metaphorically pushed him out of the nest.  Times where we knew he was capable but it was his mind that was stuck.

How many of us are perfectly capable of making necessary changes but are still stuck in old patterns?  We were too sick at one point but we’re stronger now but still being held back purely in our minds? 

“Dear Jesus, you know our hurts, our pasts, our fears.  I pray that for all of us that you’d help us to break free from restrictive and sickly thought patterns.  Help us to embrace wholeness in every area.  Help us to find our wings and courage and fresh hope and get out of our comfort zones.  For your glory.  Amen.” 

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Rest

I’m sitting here munching away on dark chocolate and it’s not yet 9am.  I just drank two cups of coffee plus a generous amount of cold brew.

Why?  Because I’m exhausted.

My husband has been gone on a business trip all week so I’ve been holding down the fort solo.  Which was going pretty well until last night.  Gabe had too much sugar (can’t blame him, a neighbor very thoughtfully brought over Christmas goodies) and was up just about all night long scratching.

I think he finally fell asleep but at 3 am my daughters bed-wetting alarm went off.  So I’m stumbling around in the dark trying to unhook this contraption from her soggy undies while it’s chirping loudly enough to wake the dead.  Gabe is awakened from his slumber and possibly the neighbors as well!

I finally just had to give him a dose of Benadryl so he could stop itching long enough to get back to sleep

I lay there for an hour afterwards and couldn’t fall back asleep until seemingly right before my alarm went off at 6:30.

So that’s why I’m drowning my tired sorrows in some lindt and starbucks.

I just realized all of this is very ironic because I’ve been meaning to write a follow up blog about rest.  My last blog was all about pushing through.  Grit and determination are important but no less important than finding rest.

In my TSW online support groups there is a lot of talk about PTSD, both for the kids who go through this nightmare and the parents who very much suffer along with their children.  I think we’ve been able to avoid it because we have really done everything we can to be there for Gabe, emotionally and physically.  If he was happy, we were happy.  When he cried, many times I held him and secretly cried too.  I’m a big believer in processing your emotions at the time.  Shoving them down leads to so many problems later.

But one lingering fear that still very much affects him is that he is afraid to sit and relax.  See, for months he would get brief energy bursts (where he could walk and function) and we’d be able to get out for an hour or two before he’d “crash” and it’d be back to sitting in the recliner for the rest of the day.  Because his adrenal glands were so shot from the long term steroid usage; sitting down would often mean he just couldn’t get back up again.  Which is terrible for anyone, but much more so when your a formerly very active 8 year old boy.

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He spent many hours here

Now he’s made tons of progress.  His skin looks so much better and he has loads more energy.  He can usually “go” from 9 am to 9 pm now.  A huge improvement where even an hour of being able to get up and walk around was a happy occasion.

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So he’s come so far but I think the fear of “crashing” is always with him and he is afraid to sit down.  Afraid that his energy will desert him if he takes a moment to rest.

I noticed this about a month ago.  I initially thought he always stood because maybe the dryness in his legs made it uncomfortable to bend into a sitting position.  But then I realized that wasn’t it.  He was afraid.  He would push himself all day and not sit at all except when in the car or on the bus.  It just couldn’t be good for him, especially since he is still recovering.

So in the evenings I started forcing him to come and sit with me.  He would resist it at first but pretty quickly he would curl his body close against mine and I would feel his tension melting away.  A deep sigh and a sense of peace would come over him.  What he was resisting was what he most needed.  He fought so hard all day to overcome but he also needed to embrace times of rest after all that valiant effort.

I think that’s all of us.

We think rest is zoning out or maybe shopping or eating or whatever.  And those things can be good and much needed but we need a deeper rest.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-29

When we’re stressed, hurting, tired…. we don’t need to numb ourselves we need to seek this genuine rest.  I know it’s something I need, every day.  Not to check my Facebook for the 56th time.  Not to overdo it on the wine.  But to find this place of true rest that will restore my soul.

We need this time of rest built in to our lives because we live in a pretty harsh world.  Our default mode is to seek bandaids and self-medicate when we really need to get our bruised souls in the healing presence of God.

This is really a challenge to me but hopefully an encouragement to others to seek His rest throughout the day.  He isn’t going to force us (he isn’t a pushy, bossy mom like me) to lay down next to those still waters, but the invitation is there. 790ff8ab4f67275d6ed6d2cd987f1335

“Lord, you know our burdens and our heavy cares.  Heavenly father we pray that we would surrender and relax into your rest.  Help us to have a childlike faith and open our eyes to the wonder of your intimate care for us.  Thank you for loving us so, even when we resist and struggle against what we need the most. Amen”

Pushing Through

Right now my hands and forearms are fried into oblivion.  I shelled out $20 (so well spent) for a month of unlimited Cathe Friedrich workouts.  Having access to the entire collection is like being a kid in a candy store for this workout junkie.  I’ve been doing new workouts every day and my body is currently begging for mercy.

I just love a tough challenge and I love feeling like I’ve done my best.  I even like having sore muscles.

But at 31 there’s more aches and pains than I used to have and I had to go the chiropractor last month when my neck felt out of whack and all my stretching couldn’t fix it.  I found a new chiro and was hoping to get in and out of there asap but he insisted on doing X-rays.

Well, turns out, I have curves in all the wrong places.  My back has twists and turns like a nightmarish rollercoaster.  My neck isn’t much better.

Well, that would explain the back pain that I’ve had for years.  I often have to pause a workout and stretch my back or pop it back into place.  It just is what it is.  I don’t know if it was the stress of gymnastics as a kid, malnutrition as an eating-disordered teen, bad posture or a combo of all three but my back is whack (please forgive the awful pun!).

But I won’t give up on doing what I love and I won’t let it limit me.  I’m going to keep pushing through like I always have.

I’ve run into a lot of obstacles but I haven’t given up.  I figured out a diet that worked.  I found supplements to help with my auto-immune issues.  I found a foam roller to help with my back pain.

I wonder sometimes if that grit and determination is why God has allowed me to face the extreme challenges I have in my son’s health issues.  There’s been a lot of times that it felt hopeless but I wasn’t about to give up.  Ever.

“A large crowd followed and pressed around him.  And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years.  She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.” Mark 5:24-26

This is my son’s story too. 25354063_10159835464640074_9156951997104848909_n He saw many doctors and the medicine just made him worse.  We were at wits end and we brought him up to the altar to be prayed over.  The next week God revealed to us that the steroid creams were the cause of his deteriorating condition.  We didn’t get the instant healing we were hoping for but we set off on a healing journey.

I think in life we all run up against obstacles that would try to beat us into submission.  Giants that screams at us to give up.  Times we seek healing in every natural avenue we can and get worse.  Those times we need to push through.  Like that woman who pushed through not just the crowd but what must have been a crippling social stigma as an unclean person for so long; to get through to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment.

She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Matthew 9:21 

I want to encourage you to keep seeking, keep pushing because you have a God in Heaven that loves you.

We can push through hard times because our God is for us.

This Christmas season I hope you take some quiet moments to ponder at the wonder that the God of the Universe came to earth as a baby in the most humble way possible.  He did it for me, he did it for you. untousachildisborn6.jpg

 

Going Mental

I read an article this morning about the decline of mental health in America. jn

All joking aside, there’s an epidemic of depression amongst teens.  This article is from the U.K. but I’m guessing we’d have similar number over here in North America. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3752222/Depression-anxiety-strikes-one-three-teenage-girls-Number-mental-health-issue-rises-10-past-decade.html The article sites a 10% increase in depression in the last decade and that 1 in 3 teen girls will deal with depression.

Not only that but the CDC says that 1 in 6 children have a developmental disorder https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2011/05/23/cdc-1-in-6/13146/ and that there was at least a 17% increase between 1997 and 2008.  Who knows what the figure is at now.

All the experts can tell us is that kids are depressed because of their smart phones.  Kids are disconnected.  While I believe that is true and a contributing factor I also believe the high aluminum loads in our collective brains has an awful lot to do with it.

This study showed than exposure to environmental aluminum posed a major risk to neurological health and can lead to Alzheimer’s https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140212093300.html  “While aluminum is a known neurotoxin and occupational exposure to aluminum has been implicated in neurological disease…” quote  Now this study is focused on Alzheimer’s, a specific condition, but maybe environmental aluminum (cough*vaccines*cough) is behind the explosion in depression, anxiety, OCD, ADD and possibly even behind the increase in tragic school shootings.

This article from 2007 illustrates the prevalence of aluminum in modern society and the neuro-toxic affects “Trace amounts of aluminum applied to the brain surface of animals resulted in seizures and fits. Other studies demonstrated that aluminum salts injected into the fluid surrounding the brain produced changes that are similar to those occurring in senile dementia. In further animal studies, cats given aluminum became slow learners at experimental tasks. The level of aluminum in the cats’ brains was equivalent to the amount in the brains of persons who have a type of senility called Alzheimer’s disease.”  http://proliberty.com/observer/20071207.htm

But what’s the link between Alzheimer’s and learning disabled kids, depressed teens and 20 somethings still living at home?  Maybe it’s all aluminum.  Just check out some of these common symptoms of dementia-

Difficulty concentrating and planning things
Memory loss and confusion
Short attention span
Lack of motivation
Depression
Personality, mood and behavioral changes
Delusions or hallucinations
Incontinence
Muscle weakness, stiffness, or paralysis
Slow and unsteady movements
Trembling in arms and legs
Sleeping difficulties
Aggression and frustration

Difficulty concentrating, short attention span, depression, aggression…sound familiar? Sounds pretty similar to what is being seen in the mental health epidemic we are seeing.

All of this because of an aggressive (ahem, profitable) vaccine schedule.  Why aluminum?  It’s in virtually all vaccines to trigger as strong as possible immune response to gain immunity to the disease they are vaccinating against.  The major problem being, this powerfully immune-stimulating, potent neuro-toxin is in nano particle and tends to stick around the body.  It isn’t coming back out.  It is getting stored in white blood cells and worse, the brain.

Pumping babies full of this junk could easily explain not just the neurological decline but also the explosion of auto-immune problems.  Again, all the experts can say is that we are causing asthma and allergies by being “too clean”.  Really?  Or could it be the powerful immune system antagonist being injected into our bodies throwing our immune systems in a tailspin???

Really I could go on and on but I’m going to exercise a bit of restraint and get to the good part- what do we do now?  How can we rescue ourselves and our kids from this man made crisis of poor physical and mental health?

We need to start with avoiding further environmental aluminum.  It’s been an experiment.  It’s failed.  We need to make major changes.  For those of us who feel like we developed an auto-immune condition and/or mental health issue as the result of aluminum, we need to detox it out of our bodies.

This is the daily regiment I have my 12 year old son on. 20171213_113059.jpg

I’m personally experimenting with taking diatomaceous earth.  It’s really cool in that it’s the crushed up fossils of diatoms.  It’s a rich source of silica- the single best thing in detoxing aluminum.  I just mix a heaping tablespoon with filtered water and drink it.  It isn’t too bad and doesn’t have much of a taste.  It’s an incredible natural and safe detox aid.  The silica is also great for hair, nails and skin- added bonus.  I just started but I’ll definitely update my blog on how and if I feel it’s helping.  Here’s some additional info https://draxe.com/diatomaceous-earth/

I’d like to do more posts on mental health, because really, it’s is just such a complex topic.  But I really believe that our bodies and brains are going to have issues as long as they are laboring under this toxic burden.  Getting the aluminum out is the first step.

 

The Saga Continues

So I watched er…listened to this video over the past couple days.  https://www.facebook.com/areyoucrooked/videos/2018168381763526/

The video is over two hours long so it took awhile to get through it.  Half of it was listening to it via Bluetooth while driving across the twin cities.  I didn’t see all the graphs and pictures but I definitely got the jist of it.

The video is made by Forrest Maready and he’s just a regular guy doing some pretty extraordinary things.  He is the dad of a child with autism and his wife has suffered with auto-immune disorders.  He’s been on a two year quest to uncover answers and this video (and a book coming out soon) is really the culmination of that.  He is very quick to point out that these are theories. 

For me it was really illuminating.  I, like many, have also suffered with auto-immune issues.  Which, I can trace back to the summer that I was 12.

Journey back in time with me to a wonderful era when the Spice Girls were huge.  The internet was confined to your clunky, slow home desktop computer.  Helicopter parenting was not yet invented.  I was a “free-range” kid before that was a thing.  We lived outside a small town in southern Minnesota and it was wonderful.  In the summer we disappeared into the woods behind our house for hours at a time.  We stayed out late catching fireflies.  We swam in a (gross) Lake Mazaska nearby.  In the winter we dug snow forts, sledded, went ice skating, all of that.  My mom always had me in sports.  I was a very athletic kid and would go to some sort of sport practice nearly every day. 527499_10152250637685074_1854436615_n

One of my favorite things to do was to explore abandoned structures with my friends.  Of course my parents didn’t know, but remember this was the 90’s and I was a free-range chicken, er….kid.  We liked to pretend an old one room school house was haunted and we’d spook ourselves silly and dare each other to go in alone.  It was great except for the time that I ended up stepping on an old nail.  It went through the sole of my shoe and pierced into the bottom of my foot.

I reluctantly told my mom who dutifully brought me in for a tetanus shot.

Now all of this was 20 years ago so this is a leap of connected memories and speculation but around that time I also developed debilitating asthma.

I had been an athlete and completely healthy.  But one night my mom said she found me in the hallway in the middle of the night wheezing for air.  I did tests which showed my lungs for very weak (all of a sudden…?) and got an inhaler and that was that.

But what if that wasn’t that?  What if that tetanus shot had just started a cascade that would continue to be unleashed?

I can also look back and see that something changed within me as well.  I had been a really happy kid.  I had a lot of friends.  But I would soon be plunged deep into depression and an eating disorder.  It was so bad that I attempted suicide multiple times as a young teen.

Now this is all speculation, of course.  But I did manage to dig up this study linking a two fold increase in asthma following tetanus vaccination https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10714532?dopt=Abstract

And this article explaining how the metals in vaccines can severely damage mental health http://whale.to/b/blaylock.html

As a young adult I mostly overcame these issues.  I forced my lungs to get stronger through progressively harder workouts.  I found faith and that helped with the mental health a lot.  I was really happy.

Then I got my pregnant with my second child and all hell broke loose.  My digestive system stopped working.  My thyroid went berserk.  I developed symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome.  I saw many doctors but really had to do a ton of research myself into figuring out that I had celiac’s disease and some other food sensitivities.

The weird thing is, I grew up eating wheat and it was fine.  I probably had three-four servings a day!  But now eating it would make me curl up in a ball from the stomach pain, it would shut down my digestion, I would be too exhausted to complete basic tasks.

I remember my husband being puzzled, like, why are you so sick?  You eat healthy and take such good care of yourself.

The interesting thing I learned in the video mentioned earlier is that when aluminum (back to that again!) is injected it gets gobbled up by white bloods cells, or macrophages, if we’re being technical.  These white blood cells can lay dormant in your muscle tissue until some event triggers them to act.  An event like *ahem* pregnancy or illness, stress, surgery, etc.

That’s why so many women develop auto-immune disorders after a pregnancy.

Again these are all theories hobbled together from real research.

But if you, like me, have auto-immune issues or autism or perhaps other issues you could trace back to a vaccine- there is hope.  You can reclaim your health.  Give the video a watch.  He spend the first part talking about the bizarre phenomenon of the rise of the lopsided smile.  It sounds weird but hear him out.  He gets around to auto-immune disorders and aluminum later in the video.

It starts with doing a heavy metal detox.  You can even get testing done to check your levels if you’re not sure.

It may be as easy as drinking a silica-rich water like Fiji.  The silica water is able to safely bind to aluminum and carry it out of the body. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2216608/Drinking-litre-day-mineral-water-prevent-onset-Alzheimers-flushing-aluminium.html

Other methods include detoxing through sweating, detox baths, taking vitamin c, and supplementing glutathione.

It could be coincidence that I went from a healthy, happy kid to a suicidal, asthmatic mess within two years time of getting a tetanus shot.  IDK maybe I’m completely wrong.  If I find compelling evidence I will reverse my position and blog about that too.

In the mean time we need to really, really examine this.  Not just for the sake of our own health but the generations coming after us.  Because this is only going to continue to get worse if we don’t do something.

 

 

 

 

Our Vaccine Story

If there’s a grassroots movement any more controversial than refusing vaccines I certainly don’t know of it.  I really debated whether or not on whether to post our story because of the issue of the controversy associated with it.  The topic is incredibly polarizing and this is primarily a blog on living life as a Christ follower….but this is also something I feel incredibly passionate about.  If you don’t agree, that’s ok.  This is my story.

I had my first child, Michael, at the age of 18.  I was very young but I took the responsibility of growing a baby very seriously.  I went from a diet coke and skittles diet to eating balanced meals and lots of veggies. I took fish oil and gagged down pre-natal vitamins inspite of morning sickness.

Michael was perfect.  He was beautiful.  People would stop me on the street to comment on what a beautiful and happy baby he was.

He hit all his milestones early.  He was walking at 10 months.  He talked, he sang, he was a very happy and easy going baby.

But around the 18 month mark he underwent some extreme personality changes.  At the time I chalked it up to the fact that I had met, married and moved in with my husband very quickly and it was a LOT of change for a little kid to go through very quickly.

Michael would have uncontrollable tantrums.  Michael would bang his head violently in his crib at night.  It became difficult to bring Michael to public places because he would get completely out of control (sensory overload).  We also noticed that Michael had extreme reactions to loud noises.

At the time I was so young and knew almost nothing about autism.  This was almost 11 years ago and autism wasn’t as prevalent as it is now.

We began to realize that there was something wrong but we had no idea what.  We brought Michael out to parks frequently and there was a stark difference between him and the other kids his age.

The first time the “autism” word was introduced was when his great aunt commented that Michael acted in a similar manner as a man she worked with, and that man had autism.

As he got older he developed facial ticks.  He also developed a complete obsession with anything with a screen, especially video games.  Once we found him playing his Nintendo D.S. at five in the morning with a hollow look in his eyes.

He would say inappropriate things and seemingly overreact to the slightest touch or provocation.

I guess I always imagined that other people had special needs kids.  People that were smart and capable.  I was young and dumb.  If you can imagine a very young mom dealing with an autistic child when she knew basically nothing about the disorder- tough was an understatement.  I shudder thinking about the many times we “lost” it on Michael when we were presented with what we thought was extreme defiance and in reality Michael was coping with a traumatic brain injury.

I now believe that Michael was born healthy and so called “neuro-typical”.  I always had a strong feeling, call it mothers intuition, that that shots caused his condition.  As he grew and I realized the magnitude of his condition I turned to the modern marvel that is google.

I stayed up late reading story after story of parents claiming that their children were injured by vaccines.  Not just autism, but also SIDS and a wide variety of other issues.  Michael underwent a change that would have coincided with his 18 month check up and shots.  Unfortunately, I didn’t make the connection till years later.

They say, “safe and effective” and “reactions are 1 in a million”.  It isn’t true.  Most reactions go unreported because parents are uninformed.  They don’t know what to look for.  When the baby has a seizure a week after vaccines they don’t automatically connect the dots.  Or when somethings happens and they do confront the doctor, they are almost always brushed off and left to sort through the fallout themselves.  When a baby dies in his sleep following a well-baby check at 2 or 4 months it is ruled as SIDS and swept under the rug.

I didn’t learn till years later but pediatricians get bonuses (very large ones) from insurance companies when a certain percentage of their patients are fully vaccinated.  I was hesitant to vaccinate (I just had a bad feeling about it) but the Doctor was incredibly pushy and made it sound like my son would drop dead from an infectious disease if I didn’t get every shot, on time, plus countless boosters.  I ignored my feelings and went ahead because who was I to question established medicine?

Now I understand that Doctors are part of a very lucrative business.  The business of vaccines.  In 1989 vaccine developers were given complete immunity.  Us little people were no longer able to sue if our kid was severely injured.  Vaccines became a cash cow after that and a bunch of new ones were introduced to the schedule as quickly as possible.  It was a gold rush.  Testing was pretty minimal because vaccines are assumed to be safe and there is a strong financial incentive to assume that.  At around that time the first rumblings of autism were being heard. 1UKvV60fOjh6NLjHooUEqeA

I was born in 1986.  When I was in school we never heard of autism.  Or life-threatening peanut allergies.  Most kids were basically healthy and slim.  Health problems were very rare.

Is it a coincidence that the autism rate went from 1 in 10,000 in the 1980’s to now (some estimates put it as high as) 1 in 36?

The landscape of our schools has changed dramatically.  I know because I volunteer at my kids elementary school and you see it constantly.  Kids rock back in forth in their chairs.  Kids wear noise blocking headphones.  Kids need access to epi-pens at all times.  Teachers are stressed out trying to teach the kids while managing all the cornucopia of special needs represented in any given classroom.

It is tragically ironic that we inject our kids with so many vaccines trying to keep them healthy but they are incredibly sick, sicker than ever.

What I didn’t know back when my son was vaccinated is that these shots use aluminum in nano-particle form as an adjuvant-a substance that enhances the body’s immune response to an antigen.  They just assumed (based on ORALLY ingested) tests that the body could safely cope with and remove the toxic burden.  But ingesting and injecting are completely different ball games.  When we ingest aluminum we are able to clear it out of our systems almost completely through the natural digestive process.  But when we inject nano-particle aluminum our bodies send in white blood cells in response, which in turn surround (encapsulate) the aluminum, and then…it can travel throughout the body through our blood stream and lymphatic system.  It can and does get deposited in the brain.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5133049/Aluminium-vaccines-cause-autism.html  Aluminum is extremely neuro-toxic and no more so than when it invades the brain of a formerly healthy infant.  Or it can get lodged into muscle tissue until a traumatic injury or sickness signals the white blood cells to come.  The blood cells come and bring in a toxic cargo along with them.  That’s why not all vaccine injuries are seen immediately.  The aluminum can hang around in the body for an indeterminate period of time before causing all kinds of damage even years later.

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I find that it’s common that most parents will scour nutrition labels and be careful about what they feed their children (which is good) but have no idea what is actually being injected into their children.

Most people don’t know that there is peanut proteins (hello deadly food allergy!), tissue from aborted babies, and the same toxic carcinogenic junk they use to embalm dead bodies.  If you think I am making this stuff up you can visit the CDCs website and check out the ingredients for yourself. https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/additives.htm

Autism is a blanket term for “neurological damage caused by vaccines”.  We are being lied to.  if you don’t believe check this out-

https://www.naturalnews.com/046630_CDC_whistleblower_public_confession_Dr_William_Thompson.html

A top CDC scientist came out and admitted that they had lied about the correlation they had found between the MMR shot and autism.  They purposefully fudged the data the hide the link.  Because admitting that they caused nothing less than a modern day holocaust on our babies is not something that they are going to do.

That explosive news never made it to main stream media.  Why?  Have you ever watched CNN or Foxnews?  It’s constant drug advertisements.  The pharmaceutical companies hold major sway in what stories see the light of day.

Are we all going to die if we don’t vaccinate? 22046511_10159471036940074_8637741367936285939_n I didn’t vaccinate my youngest and so far she hasn’t started any epidemics.  In fact she has no allergies, eczema, has never had an ear infection, and on and on.

Depending on where you live the only real threat is in getting measles.  Which contrary to popular, media-hyped, belief- is easily treated with mega doses of vitamin A.

Now research is showing that vaccines aren’t as effective as originally thought.  That measles outbreak at Disneyland?  Half of them were fully vaccinated.  Mumps outbreak amongst Norwegian college kids?  All fully vaccinated. http://sciencenordic.com/mumps-outbreak-hits-students-several-norwegian-cities

flu shotSo why risk injecting these toxic cocktails when there is no guarantee for real immunity?

Does the system really care about you or your health?  Or are you and your children being used for profit?  Globally, vaccines are expected to bring in 49 billion dollars next year in revenue.  https://www.statista.com/statistics/265102/revenues-in-the-global-vaccine-market/

It’s really up to you and it should be.

How is Michael today?  He’s doing pretty good.  He’s extremely lucky.  The real test is will he be able to function as an adult in society and I think that he will be.

That is not to say that is hasn’t been incredibly difficult getting to this point, that Michael hasn’t had to go through much pain, struggle and heartache for a choice he didn’t make.  I can’t articulate how hard it has been for all of us.

One conversation I will never forget is one I had with someone who was very pro-vax on the internet (cause those always go so well…) in which he accused me of looking for somewhere to lay the blame so I wouldn’t have to accept responsibility myself- for being a crappy parent and causing the autism somehow, I suppose.  Other than being completely insensitive and really horrific to say to a mother of a special needs child, it was so completely untrue that it literally could not have been more wrong.

The guilt is horrible.  I feel wracked with it at night when I let my mind wander and consider what could have been.  If I’d followed my gut and not had him vaccinated.  If Michael had been allowed to develop normally.

That’s why I’m writing this blog.  Because this is my story, Michael’s story. mmmm I’m not looking to absolve myself of responsibility.  The sad truth is that my story is not unique and it’s becoming increasingly common.  I’m trying to share our story in order to warn others.  I’m telling the truth and there is power in that.  Even if only one person has read to this point and it influences further decisions they make.

“The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

 

The Sunrise

My son, Gabe won student of the month at his school.  The theme was “courage”, which I thought was extremely fitting!

His school had an awards ceremony this morning at 8 am so we had to wake Gabe up way earlier than usual to get him there.  We couldn’t tell him why, since it was supposed to be a surprise.  We usually let him sleep until 9 and get him to school around 10:15 after a bath and various treatments…se we all had to get up pretty early to get him there on time.

As we were about to head out the door we saw the most beautiful sunrise.  Because of his sleep issues, Gabe hasn’t seen a sunrise in a long time.  He stood at the window and marveled for a good ten minutes. 20171201_071752Something about the sunrise inspires praise.  It’s a little bit of glory breaking through the bleakness.  It’s the light cutting through the darkness.

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The ceremony was pretty brief and there were a lot of proud parents there but I’d doubt that there were any more proud than we were.20171201_115819  For me, this moment represents so much.  At one point I told Gabe that he was so brave.  He said, “but Mom, I’m scared a lot.”  I said facing hard things and not quitting makes you brave.  If we never felt afraid we wouldn’t need courage.

God is faithful.  He promised to never leave or abandon us.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5