Irrevocable

Today I put the final entry in my journal of over 3 years.  It wasn’t a big journal.  It was something that I wrote in sporadically.  As I filled the final page I reflected over the past three years and changes I want to make.

I felt a general feeling of sadness.

I haven’t been as close to the Lord as I could have been.  I wasted a lot of time.

I wrote out my last entry with some pretty basic goals/hopes for the coming years.  I want to see my baby healed.  I want to be closer to God.

I opened my Bible to Romans 11 and read “….for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.” Romans 11:29  I love the word “irrevocable”.  The Greek word here is ametamelétos which means “about which no change of mind can take place”.

The call on your life, the gifts God has given you- those things are irrevocable.  Does that give anyone else a tremendous sense of comfort? 20170712_130709

“For those God foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those He predestined He also called, those He called He also justified, those He justified He also glorified.” Romans 8:30-31

Foreknew.  Predestined.  Called.  Justified.  Glorified.

I can’t type these words without tears welling in my eyes.  There is a destiny on your life that supercedes the things that bog you down, the pain that leaves you crippled, the sin that separates you from your Father.  His call, his choice…it’s irrevocable. 

“Lord, fan into flames again the dreams you put into our hearts.  Work in us the will, the desire to obey you.  Help us, Lord, to be courageous and to be more than overcomers through Christ Jesus.  Thank you, Lord, that you knew us before the dawning of time.  You chose us and your banner over us is love.  We love you and we trust that you are working all things out for our good, because we love you and are called according to your unshakeable, irrevocable purpose.”

 

 

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Carrot Seed Oil

If you know me, you know I am always trying new things out in the health and beauty department.  I have an entire cupboard dedicated to supplements.  My husband can attest to that, much to his chagrin.

There are some things I love, and use over and over (hello turmeric)…and other things that get relegated to the back of the cupboard never to see the light of day again (fermented cod liver, hella gross).

Beauty and health are completely linked in my mind.

When my skin is looking dull, I don’t go to Macy’s beauty counter and buy expensive creams.  I play around with my own concoctions.  I’ve seen different companies putting out products with essential oils however they also have fillers, preservatives, extra fragrances, and they are expensive.  I’m frugal, people (cheap, I’m cheap, ok…)

One product that has really impressed me lately had been carrot seed essential oil.  I bought this from plant therapy for $11.

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My wonder oil, y’all

It’ll last me a year, at least. I mixed it with purified water in a mister, roughly 4 ounces water with 20 drops oil.  I shake it up and mist it onto my clean skin.

Carrot seed oil is amazing for skin health.  It is regenerative and may have up to 30 SPF.  I won’t go into all the benefits but you can read a bit more here https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/essential-oils/carrot-seed-essential-oil.html

I really did see results overnight with my problematic skin.

I have oily skin prone to redness and blotchiness.  I usually don’t feel confident leaving the house without foundation and a full face of makeup.  The carrot seed oil really helps make my complexion look so much better that I’ve been skipping makeup (save for mascara and filling in my super light eyebrows so people can read my facial expressions!) which is something I wouldn’t have done a couple weeks ago.

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My Makeup-free my, you’re welcome…

Which was the goal because I don’t like having to put it on and clogging my pores.  Plus it shaves ten minutes off my routine, which is a huge plus.  Also, I’m putting zero potentially harmful chemicals on my face.  Happy dance!

I’m nearly 31 and I don’t have wrinkles yet but I could see how this oil could help with that as well.  I wouldn’t swear by it’s abilities as a natural sunblock but I’ve ventured out into the blazing sun a couple times wearing carrot seed and only carrot seed (hahahaha) and no sunburn or even tanning happened.

This is a natural product and has a natural smell.  I like it, personally.  But it’s a strong smell and you may or may not be able to tolerate it.  You could also mix it with rose or lavender oil to make it more pleasant, and with extra skin health benefits!!

Social Media O.D.

I sat shaking while drinking my coffee this morning.

I had left a comment on my local news station about a local story.  I was just trying to offer an alternative view.  It inspired a dirge of negativity and name calling.  Wow.  Not a good wow.  Just a wow.  Social-Media-Crap2501

The internet provides a medium for people to make quick judgements and be downright nasty with a level of anonymity not previously afforded.  My husband compares it to people driving in their cars.  You probably wouldn’t cut someone off (budge in line) at your local grocery store.  But people feel empowered in their cars to act brazenly in ways they wouldn’t in a face to face setting.

There is a name for this phenomenon- trolls.  People who are bored and nasty just for the sake of being nasty.

I also think in this age of instant news and all the negativity it inspires that kind of behavior.  People are so angry.  It’s why I basically stopped following most of the news and politics.  It gave me a ball in the pit of my stomach and filled me with anger.  It just wasn’t healthy.  It was fostering an “us verses them” mentality that isn’t conducive to being a Christian and loving your neighbor.

Another problem I run into is that people use social media to market and sell.  Now, nothing wrong with that, in a sense.  But it means that a lot of the hype you see just isn’t real.  “I AM SO HAPPY AND FULLFILLED SELLING LEGGINGS TO MY FRIENDS!  ERMAGOSH!  HERE’S ME ON A YACHT IN FRANCE!”  or “GUYS!  I AM SO THRILLED THIS CREAM SIMULTANEOUSLY FILLED MY BANK ACCOUNT, RID ME OF CELLULITE, AND I LOST 20 POUNDS!!!  I CAN’T STOP GRINNING, GUYS!”

It’s only a slight exaggeration.

I recently befriended another young mom at a park.  We connected on facebook and she was instantly trying to sell me stuff.  I eventually just stopped talking to her because it was awkward.  I wanted to be her friend, not her next costumer.

I have to confess in over-using social media.  Ok, just facebook.  I’m not cool enough for Instagram and I’m obviously too wordy for twitter.  My excuse is that I’ve been mostly housebound for months with my very sick child.  That and my closest friend, who literally used to live down the street, has moved a 90 minute drive away.

I think a lot of use (er…miss-use) social media to fill in the gaps in our lives.  We get lonely, or sad, or anxious….and those feelings suck so we block it out by scrolling away on our social feed.  The problem is- there is a lot of nastiness out there.  Trolls gonna troll.  People are trying to sell you stuff.  The whole thing rings hollow and leaves you feeling empty.

So what to do?  In my typical extreme fashion, I’ve seriously contemplated deleting my 9 year old Facebook account.  But it is how I stay in touch with my siblings, who I rarely see in person.  It’s how my sweet Grandma gets to see my kids and our shenanigans every day.

I need to find some kind of balance.  I’m guessing I’m not alone in this.  I need to figure out a way to get the good out of my social media usage (and there is good to be had) while skimming over and minimizing the bad.

Social media is a tool.  The problem comes when we try to make it more than that.

I’m going to consciously limit my time indulging in social media.  I’m going to listen to the radio more.  I’m going to set some goals (even within the walls of my home, where I’m currently spending most of my time).  I’m going to do things that feed my soul so I’m not looking to social media to meet a need that it just can’t.

Huge Setback

Warning: this blog contains graphic medical photos….

Gabe was doing pretty good.  The liviaone probiotic spray was really helping to clear up his skin.  He was still very much still going through TSW (topical steroid withdrawal) but still able to get out and enjoy life in a limited capacity. 20170630_133401

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This is his feet, looking AMAZING compared to how they had looked just a week or so prior.

 

Then last Monday he started not feeling well.  Very tired, very irritable.  By Tuesday he was getting a bumpy rash and was feverish.  We assumed it was a staph infection.  When it didn’t respond to our treatment at home, my husband took him in to the emergency room.  We got a quick staph diagnosis and antibiotics and went home. 20170704_194659

He was way too sick to go anywhere for fireworks on Tuesday.

Sometime mid Wednesday we realized that he wasn’t responding to the antibiotics.  The rash of little red bumps had spread all over his body.

My Mom came over and suggested it might by measles, which I quickly dismissed.  Later I realized I knew very little about measles so I do some quick googling.  I realized that Gabe’s rash looked very similar to the typical measles rash.

20170705_114604He also had the other symptoms of headache, sore throat and tongue, fever, etc…

We brought him in to urgent care Wednesday night. The took swabs and samples and said we would know by Friday if it were measles or not.

By Friday, Gabe was still in rough shape.  The measles plus his underlying TSW made for a hellish week for everyone.  Gabe’s skin was literally peeling off.  A thick layer of dead skin would come right off to reveal still-too raw red skin underneath.  You can see this on his feet…

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This obviously involved a lot of pain for him- on top of the other symptoms of measles and his TSW flaring.

Yesterday I brought him in to see a pediatricion to get him something stronger for his pain.  Ibuprofen wasn’t cutting it.  When I got to the clinic the ladies at the front desk all made knowing eye with contact with each other and backed away from the desk.  Great, Gabe is the “measles kid” and everyone at the clinic has been talking about it.  He had a mask on and they were well over 15 feet away but the reacted as though I had just rolled up with a zombie-leper in that little child sized wheelchair.

We got Gabe some tramadol and vitamin A.  But at this point we still don’t have answers.  None of the four doctors who have seen him this week have ever seen measles before.  The state health department has taken over his samples and testing so that is delaying getting our answers until Monday or even Tuesday.

How did Gabe get the measles?  We don’t know for sure yet (we don’t even know 100% if it IS measles…) but just a few days prior to all this I had read about documented cases of people getting sick after coming in contact with someone who had recently been vaccinated with a live virus.  Gabe had been around a young child who just got her MMR shot in the days leading up to his illness.  It’s very possible that the child was shedding the measles virus and Gabe was susceptible due to his weakened state.

The Doctor told me that they will be able to tell if his strain of measles is wild or cultivated.  Basically if he got it through vaccine-shedding or by a random encounter with measles. 20170708_082751How has he been handling this?  Not well.  It was a huge setback, not just physically but psychologically.  For a little boy who’s been through so much.  This was just too much.  Several times, when the pain was really bad, he talked about just wanting to die so he didn’t have to be suffering anymore.

As a parent there just isn’t much worse.

We are holding to our faith and the power of prayer.  We tell Gabe continuously that he is going to get better.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  That God loves him and is going to cause all this suffering to work for his good.

He’s still very much in the thick of it so if you could take a moment and pray for his complete healing, that would mean so much to us.

Thank you.

Update and TSW Treatment

Gabe started topical steroid withdrawal in mid-February of this year so he is 4 months in. 19113521_10158905728715074_8900016741876609406_n

The bright red skin of the first two months has faded and now it just looks like he has horrible eczema/was in a car crash.  The areas that still look really awful are where we applied steroids the most and longest- wrists, feet, ankles and legs.  His face is flaring though we never really applied steroids and he never had eczema there.

His energy levels are still maybe 35% of what they used to be.  He still spends a lot of time sitting in his favorite spot, the recliner.  He is able to be active and enjoy some quality of life thanks to some supplements we do everyday.

Right now what is really helping him is astaxanthin.  It’s a super potent antioxidant that is reportedly 6,000 times more powerful than vitamin C!!  I carry him out of bed in the morning and after breakfast he chomps up a 12 mg capsule of astaxanthin and within 10 minutes he is feeling 80% better and is able to get up and run around and be a normal kid.  His mouth is perpetually stained orange but it works!!  Astaxanthin is a naturally occurring antioxidant found in red algae (and sea food).  It’s what makes flamingoes pink!

We still give him CBD oil (yes, from marijuana) when his pain and anxiety levels are very high.  We give him 3-4 drops and he holds it in his mouth for 30 seconds before swallowing.  It really helps him and the benefits go behind pain relief.

We also give him detox baths every other day.  Epsom salts, dead sea salts, lavender oil and sometimes a bit of bentonite clay.  He likes the water very hot and even though it usually stings at first, he never wants to get out.  It’s the only place he doesn’t feel pain or itchiness.

Gabe also take probiotics and drinks a lot of kombucha.  He is constantly asking for fruit so we try to stay stocked up.

His sleep is still a nightly struggle.  So 1-2 times a week we give him 10 mg of hydroxinine to help him get some uninterrupted sleep.  We get a break and he gets to sleep through the night without shredding up his skin.

I just ordered liviaone topical probiotic spray and I am pretty excited to try it out.  I really think it will help Gabe heal because of so much of what he’s been through (similar to most people with eczema/TSW) destroy good bacteria on the skin- the steroids, the antibiotics, and bleach baths…. that I really feel he will be able to heal much more quickly with the introduction of healthy bacteria to his skin.

What I’ve tried that hasn’t been successful-

A high grade sodium bicarbonate (baking soda).  There is a lot of buzz about safe soda helping people heal very quickly on the TSW pages.  Problem is, this stuff is super expensive and hard to get.  I tried what seemed to be a similar alternative but without success.  I haven’t ruled out safe soda but it’d be painful to spend $60+ on a small contained of baking soda.

Essential oils.  I’m a huge user of them.  I’ve used them near daily for the past four years.  I just can’t put them on Gabe because his skin is so sensitive that they make him worse.  A couple drops in the tub is ok, applied topically just seems to be too much.

Homeopathy.  Granted we went right in the beginning and we were exhausted and overwhelmed.  We left with like 20 supplements all with complex directions.  Half of them were pills that he couldn’t even swallow.  It was basically a waste of $500.  It probably would have worked better later on in his treatment and if it was more simplistic and doable.

 

Suffering and Heaven

18920650_10158894564500074_8516742202078951748_nYesterday I took just Gabe out shopping.  I don’t often get to spend alone time with him and I was reminded what an amazing kid he is.  He has such a tender soul.  He wants to run an orphanage when he grows up… but he also wants to drive a Ferrari, so… 😉

We had a fun time, just the two of us.  On the way home he kept asking me about Heaven and what it’ll be like when Jesus comes back.

I explained to him that Jesus will appear in the sky with great glory, riding the clouds.  That every eye will see him, even those that pierced him.  That we will rise to meet him and be changed, to be like him.  That there will be no more sickness, death, pain…

I got choked up and so did he.  He said, “Mom, I can see him coming.”  I said, “honey that’s the Holy Spirit showing you that it’s true.”

You see, just the day before he had been in a lot of pain.  In between tears and sobs he had asked, “if God loves me, why am I suffering so much?”

The conversation, and the sweet presence of God, was something we both desperately needed.  Something that I need more of.

In my own suffering I tend to turn away.  I feel like I can’t take anymore disappointment at times, without losing hold of my faith.  But yesterday, it was like He peeled back the curtain obscuring eternity and gave us both a glimpse of our future and the end of suffering.  I felt a glimpse of the eternity and wonder awaiting us, and looking over at Gabe’s tear-filled eyes, I know he did too.

I know that Gabriel is being molded in ways I can’t even begin to comprehend.  I know he has a huge call on his life.  Even at the age of 8, there is a level of tenderness, empathy and hunger for knowledge of God that is amazing…. probably as the result of all the suffering he’s had to endure.

We can got lost in the hardships we face but we need to remember that life here is short and eternity is long.  We can’t choose the trials but we can choose how we face them.  Our God loves us.

 

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Autism and Detoxing

I’ll be totally honest, this has been the first summer break I haven’t dreaded. Why? Because my oldest child, Michael, is on the autism spectrum with a side of A.D.D. It’s difficult to understand the strain and chaos that can entail if you don’t have a child on the spectrum.

That’s why I’ve always felt like I needed the break I get when he’s going to school everyday. Michael, like many other ASD kids, does best with structure and routine. Summer break just unravels all of that and leads to…well, stress that was enough to make me dread it months out.

I honestly haven’t this year, at all. Michael has made major progress. He’s been taking silica everyday and I think it has really helped.

See, I’ve done a ton of research (yes, I’m a proud google-mamma) and I believe all his neurological symptoms are a result of the synergistic toxicity described in this pub med study… https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3170075/ and others.

I had Michael very young and I did everything wrong. He got all his vaccines, and always with Tylenol.  It’s kind of a miracle he didn’t end up in worse shape.

But anyways the cumulative toxin overload essentially poisoned his brain and the resulting autistic symptoms were merely the result of cumulative vaccine injury.  He developed primarily sensory and behavioral issues.  Unlike other kids, we thankfully haven’t had to deal with food allergies, asthma, or gut problems resulting from his vaccine-injury.

Sierra….where’s your proof? I never had a dramatic event following a vaccine.  Michael never had a seizure or lethargy (that I can remember). He just went from being a sweet, bubbly, laid-back baby to a completely out of control toddler with major sensory issues. 192254_10150438180300074_8167383_o

I’ve no doubt in my mind that Michael was born perfect. The vaccines set him up for years of heartache and struggle….not to mention putting an enormous stress burden on myself and my husband in dealing with the fall-out.  His autism is nothing more than the degree of vaccine injury that was inflicted onto him as an infant.

For years I had heard about detoxing to reverse autism but I always assumed it was ridiculously complicated and out of reach for an average parent like me.  I just didn’t have a ton of hope that Michael could get better.  We dealt with the same behaviors and tantrums for years.  But then I saw this article http://realfarmacy.com/mineral-waters-remove-aluminum-from-brain/ …Detoxing and improving neurological health in ASD kids could be as simple as drinking a bottle of Fiji water every day.

I talked with Michael about it.  Smart kid that he is, he read the article and really wanted to give it a go.

There’s a big push in the autism community that we need to celebrate our kids autism and act like everything is a-ok.  Michael doesn’t think everything has been great.  Not when he didn’t have any friends at elementary school for two years.  Not when he struggles to control strong emotions he can’t always understand.  Not when he started to realize he was different.

He was extremely gung-ho to start, to the point that he begged me to get him a big supply of Fiji water.  It was touching and also kind of sad that he wanted so badly to gain healing from his autism.  We started right away and also bought him solgar’s oceanic silica (because everyone kept drinking his water!).

That was about three months ago and Michael has made major progress.  The tantrums have been less.  He seems more relaxed and happy.  He is just easier to be around.  Hence me not dreading summer vacation. 19055433_10158911764265074_4485162110289028260_o  I don’t think autism is something to be celebrated.  It has been like a cloud hanging over Michael, obscuring who he really is.  We owe it to our kids to help them to truly heal, so they can become that person they were meant to be.

What causes autism?  It seems glaringly clear to me.  It’s the synergistic toxicity (and the sheer volume) of the shots kids receive.  As the vaccine schedule has doubled and then tripled; autism rates have exploded.  It’s the toxins we spray so we can have pretty, bug-free lawns.  It’s the franken-food we eat.  It’s low vitamin D levels.  It’s the mthfr gene expression which makes it harder for some kids to detox the harmful adjuvants in the vaccines.

When 1 in 3 kids have a chronic health condition- we need to wake up.  In spite of (or because of!) our current vaccine schedule; kids are sicker than ever.  Somethings got to give when the projected autism rate is 50% of American children by 2025. http://www.inquisitr.com/1735694/autism-will-afflict-half-of-the-american -children-by-2025-and-glyphosate-is-to-blame-mit-doctor-says/