Educated Beyond Obedience

I’ll be completely honest, I’ve barely read my Bible lately.  We went through a time when Gabe was waking up all night long and I wasn’t about to get up early to get that time in.  I’ve just totally fallen out of it.  And now our schedule is shredded like confetti and tossed into the sky, now that school is out.

I’ve been leaning really heavily on podcast (don’t you love them?!) for spiritual nourishment.  The past couple days I’ve listened to some sermons by Francis Chan.  Now, if you want to get real uncomfortable and challenged- this is the guy for you.  I’ve even had moments of wondering if I should even listen.  Seriously.

“The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows.  But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked…..” Luke 12:47-48

Strong, strong words from scripture.  This was a parable so I don’t think it literally means we are going to physically beaten at judgement.  I think it’s an illustration that knowing God’s will does not put us at any advantage if we aren’t willing to act on it.  In fact, if we “know better” but ignore what we know- we will be all the more culpable.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:22

It’s such a frightening thought to me.  I realized, listening to the sermon- that I am so completely selfish.  So driven to get my own needs met.  I am so prone to deceive myself.  I realize how easily it is to slip out of God’s will and not even realize it.  We are masters at deceiving ourselves.  We give God lip service.  We crack open his Word here and there.  Maybe we even have a fish decal on our car.  All of this matters so very little.  

“God, I know I am so very prone to self-deception and selfishness.  Please shine your light into my heart so I can see the truth of where I’m at.  And thank you that you love me anyways.  Lord, I pray that you would help me to truly live for you.  That my heart would beat for you.  That I would really care about the lost.  That I would live for eternal things.  I know that the things I think will make me happy, won’t and can’t.  Only in you is true joy and peace found.  In Jesus name, Amen.” 


When Winter Stretches On

I woke up this morning to find a fresh three inches of snow outside… oh-come-on

Of course we would get three inches of snow the day before Easter.

I sit here chuckling to myself.  It’s such a parallel of what I’ve been thinking on lately.

I had been going through a great time of renewed intimacy with Christ.  I felt, in my heart, that He was wanting me to hope again. Wanting me to pray big prayers.

I started praying with renewed faith.  Praying prayers both big and small.  Serious and frivolous.  I know God cares about it all.  He knows our wants and our needs.  Our hopes and our dreams.  The prayers we can only whisper under our breathe to Him because they are just too personal to share with anyone else.

And things in my life got worse.  I’m having issues with my job.  My son, who had taken major steps towards healing, has regressed.  Circumstances have gotten me feeling oppressed and “under” everything.

What the heck?

I was complaining about all of this to my husband the other night.  We’re were both just stumped.  The ache in our heart, the question hanging heavily in the air- When, God?  When are things going to get better?  Are things ever going to get easier?

I went upstairs and was brushing my teeth when the question arose in my spirit- would I worship and serve and love my God even if I never saw his manifest blessings in my life?  Even if those hopes and dreams, so private and treasured in my heart, never came to pass?  Would I serve and worship God solely based on who He is?  

When you’ve been waiting for your spring to come and you wake up to find three inches of snow on the ground…. sometimes that’s life.  We have to settle in our hearts that God is God.  That we will worship come what may.  

We know spring will come.  We don’t know when.  But that is why we need faith.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” John 1:4

“Thank you Jesus, that you are our life and the light to all mankind.  We thank you for the unimaginable sacrifice you made for us on the cross.  We know that you are a God who richly blesses.  We know that you are worth following even when you lead us through difficult circumstances and the answers elude us.  We love you and dedicate our lives to making you known. Amen” jezus-christus-opstanding


Of Trust

I saw the news about Saeed and Naghmeh Abedini yesterday.  To make a long story short- they were a Christian couple in ministry.  He was arrested for sharing the Gospel and held (and tortured) in Iran for 4 years.  His wife, Naghmeh, campaigned tirelessly for his release.  It was a big deal to the Christian evangelical community.  So he finally gets released and…she gets a restraining order against him basically as soon as he steps off the plane.  Turns out, there had been years of abuse behind the scenes.  A lot of the tireless work she had done for him had been under emotional coercion.

It is sad and disappointing, but not really all that shocking to me.

I’ve been stewing on this post for a long time.  A post about how we can’t put our trust in people.  Seeing this story really motivated me to write it.

I have my own story to share.  It’s a tale of a crazy ex step-dad.  We’ll call him C.P.

C.P. came into our lives when we really needed him.  My mom was losing her battle with alcoholism.  He was a recovering addict, bursting at the seems with charisma and passion for Jesus.  He shared his testimony with any and everyone and couldn’t talk about Jesus without tears.

He was instrumental in helping my mom get sober.  He took a real interest in my life.  We had great talks about God and he spoke some great things into my life.  I thought he was the mentor I had been hoping and praying for.

Sometime after they got married in a very rushed fashion, C.P. quit his good paying job to focus on writing a book about recovery.  Things started to get weird.  We found out he had been married like 5 times and that one wife had died under mysterious circumstances.

At this time I know God was really preparing my heart for the disappointment and chaos that was about to be unleashed.  God was whispering to my heart that I couldn’t put my trust in man, I could only ultimately look to him.

C.P. (ironically while writing his book about freedom from addiction) was abusing pills and became increasingly erratic.  A lot of horrible things happened but we’ll just say that it ended in divorce because my mom’s life was in danger.

C.P. released his book (which was really as garbled and erratic as his life) and started a new life at break neck speed.  Videos of him sharing his testimony at his new church surfaced within a couple months.

I want to make it clear that I have forgiven this man.  He was charging forward into life, leaving complete chaos and destruction in his wake- because he refused to look inward.  When things got hard he would blame everyone else and look for the next wife, the next church.  He couldn’t stop.  So instead of being still long enough to do an honest inventory and get the deep healing he needed, he just kept running.  He was running from the pain of his past and trying to numb the pain inside, but pain has a way of demanding to be dealt with.  We tend to continue to perpetuate that which we don’t face.

We tried to confront him at one point and he was pacing and sweating and ultimately took off because he couldn’t (wouldn’t) face the truth.  It was his life, in a nutshell.

It could have shipwrecked my faith but it didn’t.  It was such an important lesson to me.

“Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.” Psalm 146:4

People can provide so much to us- love, encouragement, companionship…all that.  But people are going to fail.  People are going to let us down.  Churches and organizations too, because they are run by people.  Even the best of us still struggle daily with our fallen sin nature.  You show me someone living victoriously in Christ, and I can guarantee that person has struggles in the dark that they need to overcome ( to live that outwardly victorious life.

The danger in hitching our faith wagon to a person or organization is in that they could possibly go off the rails and take us with them into a ditch.

We can (and should!) go to church and look up to people further along in the faith than us.  But we need to be so careful to know that our faith is in God.  Not our church.  Not our Pastor.  Not our mentor.  Because God is the only one capable of being perfectly what we need him to be.  He is the only one who will never fail.

Not only that but when we put these ‘super-Christians’ on a pedestal we absolve ourselves of the call on our lives.  Like, “they have it goin’ on because there is special favor on their lives.  I could never be like that.”  The truth is that God does not show favoritism. Acts 10:34  If that person is rocking it in the faith department it’s because they have taken the steps to get there.  The invitation goes out to all.  It’s up to us to answer, and to what extant.

We can have it to.  You can be as close to God as you want to be.  You don’t have to settle for a second hand faith.  God wants to be real to you too, he wants to move as powerfully in your life as say a Beth Moore or John Bevere.  There are no favorites.  And that means when people we admire screw up royally, it doesn’t have to wreck out faith.

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.” Hebrews 4:14

People change.  Circumstances change.  Our churches may change.  But…

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”





For the Joy

I realize I’ve blogged a lootttt on the topic of suffering.  I write from where I’m at.  I write what is on my heart and what God speaks to me.  I write because I feel called to (and heck, I like it) and to hopefully encourage people.  I’ve written a lot on hardship and I feel like it’s a good thing because people can relate.  I certainly don’t think we should (or need to) minimize our pain.

Suffering is an undeniable part of life.  If you are walking this Earth with feet of clay you are going to have to contend with pain and difficult trials.

But I believe that suffering has an expiration date.  We are not here to suffer.  We are here to enjoy intimacy with our God and live in victory and freedom.

“For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!” Romans 5:17

Suffering is always a means to an end.  The end being that God is glorified.

As I was getting ready for church yesterday I was thinking about the story of Lazarus.  Lazarus was a very close friend of Jesus.  Lazarus had two sisters that were very close with Jesus as well; Martha and Mary (who have their own story, but for another time).

Lazarus had gotten very sick.  A messenger ran to get Jesus.  Jesus waited 2 whole days before leaving to come see Lazarus, the text says he waited until he knew that Lazarus had died.

Martha and Mary are understandably upset.  When Jesus does show up, Martha runs out to meet him.  “Lord, if you had been here, he wouldn’t have died!”

Jesus looks deep into her eyes and makes this powerful statement, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

They were just hoping that Jesus would heal him.  Jesus had different plans.  He went to the grave, where he had been buried 4 days prior.  He comforts Mary and Martha and even weeps with them.  He knows our pain, because it’s his pain.

“Roll the stone away.”

“But Lord, there will be an awful smell…”

“Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

So they roll the stone away and Lazarus is raised from the grave.

I got to church and what was the pastor preaching on?  The story of Lazarus and how it relates to us.  It was a God-thing.  We brought our son up to have him prayed for after the service.  This morning he looked a good 50% better with most of the redness and swelling gone and months-old wounds showing signs of dramatic improvement.  We know he got a special touch from God and we are believing that he will receive complete healing.

We serve an awesome God.  rays-of-light-shining-throug-dark-c

There is a powerful message in this story.  We may suffer, yes.  But we know that at some point Jesus is going to come into our situation and command some stones to be rolled away.  When Jesus shows up, he brings life with him.  He is our healer.  He is 100% good.  He is 100% for us.

Ultimately, for us who believe, we will be completely healed.  We don’t know the time table, but we know the one who does.  Jesus triumphed completely over death and the grave.  One day, death will be swallowed up.

In life we will always have an element of suffering.  We live in a fallen World.  I have my own share of suffering, as do you.  But I also have so much joy.

For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10

Suffering doesn’t get the final say.


Fast Tuesday

So I have officially designated Tuesday as ‘fast day’.  I want to incorporate it as a regular spiritual discipline.  One day a week to fast from food and social media.  One day a week to really lean in to God with prayer, worship and a seeking heart.

I have found so many helpful articles on Natalie Nichols blog-  She has an amazing testimony and such a heart for God.

Another great motivator is hearing and reading the fasting testimonies of others.

I read a great tip today, to make a list of what you are fasting for.  Carry it with you.  Pray without ceasing.  Expect a breakthrough.  Call the things that aren’t as though they were.  Expect great things!

Here is my list-

1. More of God in my life.  “He must increase, I must decrease.” John 3:30 God is the prize, being closer to him is the goal.

2. Healing for a chronic health issue that is a daily struggle for me.  “This was to fulfill what was declared by the prophet Isaiah when he said, “It was he who took our illnesses away and removed our diseases.”” Matthew 8:17

3. Healing for my sons autism/ADD.  “All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace.” Isaiah 54:13

4. Healing for my other son’s skin conditions. “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.” Psalm 103:2-3

5. Spiritual breakthroughs for people in my life.  “ In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” Matthew 18:14

I know will all my heart that God has amazing things for us.  There is always more to be had.  More ground to take, more freedom, more of the Holy Spirit, more healing, more outreach… as long as we are still breathing we can have MORE.  He wants us to press in, persevere, deny our carnal appetites, take up our crosses and in the long walk of obedience to inherit the promises and more importantly find Him.