My thoughts for today are on the importance of hope.
I’ve blogged frequently about my son, Gabriel, and his eczema. I actually don’t talk about it much in life, for whatever reason. There just doesn’t seem to be a point. I think a lot of people were unaware of how serious he was until it spread up his neck. His eyes have read rings around them and from his jaw down, he is almost completely covered in red, angry skin with areas of swelling and infected wounds and abscesses.
It’s really bad.
There is no “but”. It just sucks. It’s horrible.
He usually handles it so well. Most mornings he wakes up tired and in pain and doesn’t want to go to school. But he does so well. I just got his report card and he is meeting or exceeding expectations in every area, in spite of his frequent exhaustion and pain.
Today everything came to a head. He came home emotional and angry. He was crying and screaming and kicking his closet doors. I had to force my way into his room and I had the sense to just let him be angry. To just be there with him. I sat with him until he let me hold him. I just held him until he was ok again.
I sit here with tears streaming down my face. This is so hard.
I’ve said before there have been times where this thing brought me to the edge of myself in every way. Times where I refused to pray anymore. Times when I could only look at and treat his naked body with a glass or two of wine in my system.
It’s been brutal.
But I have been praying and seeking and finding God again. He reminded me of a story, a testimony I heard many years ago. It was a ‘strong man’ who came to the church we were attending. His thing was feats of strength- rolling up frying pans and breaking wooden baseball bats. He did his feats and then shared his story. Growing up he had been chubby, asthmatic, and completely immobilized by anxiety. The most impressive thing about this man was how unbelievably tender his heart was and how incredibly he was advancing God’s Kingdom.
I think of his story often and it gives me hope.
Awhile ago I was talking with Gabe and the subject of the movie “Terminator” came up. I outlined the plot and he wanted to know why the robot wanted to kill Sarah Connor. “Well, I said he knew she was going to raise a hero.” As I said those words I was overcome with emotion. I saw Gabe as a future hero, that that’s why his life has been under so much attack. I refuse to let the enemy have him.
I am going to raise a hero.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18