A Decade

As I have been getting the ball rolling on starting college I have realized it has been a full decade since I was a student.

A decade of holding little hands.  I graduated high school 7 months pregnant.  Future didn’t look super bright.  I remember trying to fill out the fafsa form as a single 18 year old mom and being overwhelmed with fear and insecurity.  I didn’t go to school.  I watched as my peers went through their college years and everything I was missing.  I felt pangs of regret for wasting my time in high school and not reaching my God-given potential.  I remember seeing older moms and how confident and self-assured they seemed and thinking, “surely confidence will come with age and life experience.”

I realized yesterday that it indeed has.  I again faced the fafsa form (now online).  I felt only mildly overwhelmed.  I called to request my transcripts from my old school… “we’ll have to transfer you to archives…”

Life experience, motherhood, walking with Christ; it has changed me.  The confidence gained has been hard won through weathering all kinds of storms and finding my identity in Christ.

The school of ‘hard knocks’.  Just kidding.  But for real I have faced all sorts of challenges in raising these little ones.

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Of course being a wife has made it all possible.  The consistent love and support of my husband has helped shape me and made me into who I am today.

2015-01-04 15.19.19My ‘baby’ Shiloh will be three next week.  I know she’ll be in school before I know it.  I feel like the time is right.

The winds of change are blowing.

Truth be told, I have always wanted to be a counselor.  Since I was a child, once I knew there was a job listening to people and helping- that was what I wanted to do.  Once I got older and realized that it required a lot of schooling (expensive schooling!) I thought I better chose something more practical.  Like nursing.

I tried to sign up for nursing classes like 3 times but the fear and uncertainty stopped me.  I realize now that it just wasn’t right for me.

When, prompted by my little sister, I took the Meyer-Briggs personality test I came up as an INFJ- branded…wait for it…. the Counselor. 

With time though I realized the dream isn’t going away.  It is getting stronger.  I really believe this is what God designed me to do and if I don’t do it, I will regret it my entire life.

I know that the Gospel changes lives.  It changed mine.  I want to spend my life serving God and helping hurting people.

I thank God he made me a young mom.  It has been a precious and sacred journey.  A decade of one hand reaching toward God’s and a small hand tucked in the other.

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