If I could sit down with young women everywhere (my younger self included) and get all Oprah on ya’ll this is what I would say:
(and you need to picture me with my McLatte in hand but minus the coffee breathe because this is just pretend) here is a visual aid- you’re welcome.
There isn’t a man out there that is going to ‘complete’ you. There is no romance where the ‘butterflies’ last and the passion is always red-hot. You find that great guy and the next thing you know it is 3 am, you are both sleep-deprived, and fighting over who is going to change the baby’s 300th poopy diaper of the day. Or night… you’re losing track from the lack of sleep. Or you pick up his dirty socks off the floor for the 1 millionth time and contemplate just throwing them away.
I love my husband to death but no, he doesn’t ‘complete me’. And that is ok. He is just a fellow flawed human being.
Ladies- the man in your life was never meant to complete you. It isn’t fair to expect him to.
I read a verse years ago that stopped me in my tracks. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and the curse came down- it affected Eve (and every women after her) like this. “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16
Part of this curse was this longing in a woman’s heart for a man. I know, it sounds like a bad country song. But it is so true. We all know women who are on this never ending quest to find this perfect romance, they go through man after man, and can leave a lot of destruction in their wake.
Hollywood doesn’t help. Women’s novels don’t help. They feed into this notion that true love is fireworks going off with a sinking ship and gunshots and lots of drama. The dream is that there is this one person out there that will fill that persistent aching in your heart. Then you will always feel passionately in love until you both ride off into the sunset together.
As ridiculous as it sounds people do really believe this. Women up and leave perfectly good men in search of an elusive ‘soulmate’.
I can tell you first hand you can have a great marriage with a loving, supportive spouse and still feel that ache in your heart.
There is only One who can know you fully and love you as fiercely as you need to be loved. Having a great man in your life is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But your heart needs more than a man can give. Your heart needs this kind of love;
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. Song of Songs 8:6-7
Our hearts yearn for that kind of love. The kind that will never leave or forsake us. The kind that is always there. The love of God. “God is love.” 1 John 4:8
Or maybe your ‘thing’ isn’t a man. Maybe you think money, a dream job, being beautiful, etc. will finally make you happy. I know my ‘thing’ was having a daughter. It was the deepest yearning of my heart for years. I did get my daughter, praise God. However I soon realized something very profound. She was a couple weeks old and I was sitting quietly, nursing her and feeling pangs of aching emptiness in my heart. I literally was holding the very thing I wanted most and yet the ache remained. As a mom of three with a newborn I wasn’t spending much time with God at all. No condemnation, it’s a tough stage. I was missing my God. There is a deep yearning that only gets satisfied in his presence. Nothing else comes close.
You can have lots or little going for you and ultimately it doesn’t matter. You can be happy and fulfilled in God no matter what is going on in your life.
God is the prize. “The LORD is my inheritance and my cup.” Psalm 16:5
Let’s not spend our lives trying to fill that God-shaped hole with everything but. It doesn’t work.
“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11
Today; Jesus beckons you to enter into that divine obsession and the consuming passion of his love. Will you let him in?