As a new Christian (about 8 years ago) I remember hearing a lot about making sure Jesus is your foundation. At the time it caused me a lot of anxiety because I really had no idea what that looked like and I approached my new found faith like the perfectionist that I am. I knew it was important. The Bible said it was important. (Matthew 7) I just didn’t know how to ‘do it’.
Now, I am starting to see it as an identity issue. So much of our decisions and subsequent life is dictated by the way we see God and ourselves. “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” Proverbs 23:7 Are we approaching God and life with fear? Are we in a constant struggle to prove to God and ourselves (and everyone else!) that we are worthy, a good Christian, smart, important, etc.?
I really believe basically everyone suffers with low self-esteem. I know it is a constant struggle for me. I get caught up in trying to find my worth and value apart from God and it just never ‘pans out’. There is something so broken and hurt inside of all of us. Our deepest fear is that we aren’t enough so we fake it as best as we can and live with a constant low-grade torment. Even if we can put up a good façade we know deep down the truth of our inner struggle.
I often fall into bed at night wracked with guilt. I yelled too much at the kids. I swore three times. I did this or not enough of that and I feel like a failure of a Christian.
….but then I hear that quiet whisper in my soul. That is isn’t about what I do or what people think. I am loved. I am chosen. God is my Father in heaven who sees my deep unworthiness but still chose me and has promised to never leave or forsake me. My right-standing and worth was a gift purchased with the precious blood of the Lamb. No demon in Hell can take that away.
I remind myself that is isn’t about me it’s about Him. That the foundation of my life is His unshakable love for me. He already provided the foundation. He laid the foundation with his blood, sweat, and tears and He simply bids me, “come”.